Say No To Hitler Style Relationships

If anybody had to get a hindsight of who Hitler was as a leader and as a person, then learning about him through his sayings would be a flashback of terror. Most of his quotes on waging a war, leadership and governance, revolutions, and struggle are passionate, but also pugnacious. Hitler seemed to be a man defined by extremism and belligerence, which may have been a boon to the Nazi rule. As a leader, Hitler would be always remembered as a great warrior and an authoritarian for whom victory was a battle of conquest. However, most of us may know little about him as a person. Walter S. Zapotoczny’s Hitler’s Leadership style: The undoing of Germany mentions, ‘‘Hitler combined his insistence on personal control with a leadership style that often consisted of equal parts stubbornness and indecisiveness.’’ Hitler’s such mental state and emotional behavior is a subtle revelation of his psyche and selfdom, which also forms a contour to his relationship style. 


Not surprisingly enough, but leadership is an offshoot of relationships. In addition to the domain of traits and skills, leadership is a pilotage of emotions that navigates feelings to purpose. A positive leadership builds, strengthens, and defines relationships through exchange of ideas, fair participation, and welcoming change to adapt to newer styles. Such facet is an important dimension in relationships, which helps sustain a healthy and open minded lifestyle. In my view, hearty living starts with wholesome relationships where nourishment of feelings is generated through independence and providing space to people so that love flows naturally and not superficially. Feelings of control, superiority, and spurious means to provocation have no seat in a proactive relationship. Moreover, respect being a predominant aspect in relationships is not demanded, but earned through love and giving way to trust so that any relationship that starts fresh should not end while it’s still in its cocoon. Such principle is universally applicable, whether in love, or marital relationships, between parents and children, with in-laws, among friends and co-workers, or acquaintances. 


Also, nurturing relationships is a long drawn process that should begin on a leveled surface. When we enter into new relationships, thoughtful and careful dealings lessen our emotional stress of adjusting to a new way of life. For instance, a new bride hopes to enter her groom’s family with aspirations of affinity and not abomination. In parent-child relationships, clogging a child’s autonomy through excessive control hurts a child’s psychological development and emotional expression. Being a watchdog as a parent is certainly fair, but exceeding our relationship beyond limits where a child’s expression is controlled, or manipulated seems inappropriate. In marital relationships, sharing of equitable status among the couple goes miles in building the character of their marriage as an institution of love and faith. Giving dent to feelings periodically, carefully listening to each other, providing breathing space and scope to operate autonomously are some ways to sustain a healthy relationship.


It is important to note that keeping our emotions in check when in a relationship is more productive than controlling the relationship itself. Control freaks do not last forever. Their aggression ends relationships in a sour taste. A participative style of dealings is always better than harsh motives of conquering the relationship. Such preventive measures make a relationship more receptive and meaningful.  Healthy relationships infuse us with positive energy and give a humanitarian face to our feelings and not an egoistic visage. Hence, learning a lesson from a bygone era is to begin refinement of old habits and practices to set ourselves in motion for change.  History is reminiscent of Hitler’s relationships being disturbed since early childhood years with his liking for giving orders. His eccentric behavior and his additiction to creating emotional extremism through his eloquent speeches would put his audiences into a near state of hysteria besides emotions of anger and hate that often resulted in acts of violence. Hitler, however, would be remembered as a powerful personality and an impressionist, but his relationships shall always remain a predicament. For all of us, nonetheless it is time we extirpate the hidden Hitler in us, so that healthy relationships today ascend us to a state of fruition tomorrow. 

Copyright (c) 2009 - Present Dharbarkha.blogspot 
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Morality Is Character

Abraham Lincoln once said, ‘Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing’. These great words are reflection of President Lincoln’s legacy of redefining republicanism and his invaluable infusion of morality in politics. His religious and philosophical beliefs are most respected even today, as is his significant contributions towards ending slavery through emancipation proclamation. Inspirational words from great people like Abraham Lincoln and many others are not just to fill up blogs, write papers or use them in an extempore but more importantly inculcate these in our thoughts and vision. 

Morality in simple words is the chastity of our heart, ethicality of our actions and rectitude of our mind. It is our conscience or that small inner voice that guides us through right and wrong. Commonly known as our superego, morality is mode of behavior that is formed during our early childhood years by internalizing teachings and trainings of our parents and teachers. However as we grow older learning through our own experiences and our immediate support group (other than the family) becomes our newer mode of moral development. Imbibing values through experiences or by means of inspirational success stories are life’s precious lessons that go miles in helping us adapt to our surroundings and situations in life. 

The emancipation proclamation of 1862, signed by President Lincoln, in my view is a great moral lesson. Abolition of slavery was not the reason behind President Lincoln’s holding the highest office in United States. However, implementing the abolition policy and making it a national goal became one of his presidential accomplishments. Keeping intact such moral psychology certainly seems like a challenge amid the allures and maneuvers of position, power and control in the field of politics. History reminisces the feelings of President Lincoln on signing the emancipation proclamation, "I never, in my life, felt more certain that I was doing right, than I do in signing this paper’’. This precisely illustrates the depth of his moral precept and the charisma of his character. Such altruistic mission motivates us to think and act differently.

There have been many great leaders whose integrity and individuality have personified a nation and its ideals. Fortunately for America, it was Abraham Lincoln. His leadership is an invigoration of hope that once again encourages us to get guided by intuitions and emotions to realize the actual purpose of our life, something that is beyond our routine goals. Capitalizing on virtues and shaping them as our core competencies bolsters our capacity to withstand any change or crisis in life. Getting motivated through moral values is also a form of intrinsic motivation which is a key aspect of self-coaching. Such inner reinforcement can never lessen or dry up. It is an internal reservoir that erects and evolves stronger reasoning and deeper intellect for shaping ethical temperament and human character.

Copyright (c) 2009 - present Dharbarkha.blogspot
Photo Courtesy:  Barkha Dhar

Freedom Is A Human Right

February 11th marks the anniversary of the 1979 Islamic revolution, a date that portrays celebration of Iran’s liberation from the Shah and imperial powers. However, torture, political exile, arbitrary arrests and violent executions are some major illustrations of malevolence that dissident Iran’s liberation with real emancipation. Freedom of any nation is not judged only by its political ideology but also by its economic and social order. The solidarity and tenacity of Law and justice shows a nations strength not only through political governance but also through ‘espirit de corps’ or the feelings of social affinity and entirety. Such psychology and personality of a nation is the barometer of its actual progress on a social scale. A translucent and lucid approach to jurisdiction is what we define as independence and sovereignty, a prerogative of the people of a nation. An immaculate and a principle lesson of freedom that Iran needs to learn and imbibe today.

The legitimacy and stability of any regime is successful and worth celebration only if it ameliorates a communal and egalitarian mindset, also commonly known as laissez-faire. Only then can a nation enjoy the fruits of freedom and understand its relevance and significance in the sentiments and emotions of its people that constitute a nation. Perhaps a wake up call for Iran! Also any revolution shouldn’t be anarchy where hostility, unrest and disregard for citizens are the epicenters of control. The story of Shirin Ebadi, Iran’s first noble laureate whose peace prize was confiscated by the Iranian government and whose sister recently was arrested in Tehran narrates such apathy. Iran’s native, a lawyer and a human rights activist, Shirin Ebadi no wonder has to think twice before entering her own homeland due to possibilities of her arrest. Because of her predominant views on civil society and the rule of law wherein human rights is a core criterion of the governance, Ebadi is considered a possible threat to Iran. How fair and conscientious today is Iran’s freedom that takes away a citizen’s right to impartial expression? 

A true leadership is one that enforces a participative style of governance and is not surrounded by censorship of any sort. Such protocol for a nation aims at encouraging people’s ideas, views and diligent actions as their voice for change, which ultimately leads to political, social and an economic face lift. Freedom from exile and other horrendous abuses are basic human rights which Iran needs to inculcate in its political doctrine. On this day of commemoration, human rights, which are also known as fundamental rights, should be the prerequisites of Iran’s bona fide liberation.  Such radical and humanitarian relationship between Iran and its people shall be Iran’s absolute victory. Giving importance to triumph in people’s hearts over political supremacy, conquest on subjugation, justice through moral norms and legal rights, respect and dignity for human relationships together with equality, expression and education are some ways Iranians can win freedom from political fear and incarceration.

Copyright (c) 2009-2010 Dharbarkha.blogspot 
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Greed Is Contemptuous

On the Wall Street greed and fear may be the psychology behind an investment portfolio that helps analyze social, cognitive and emotional moves behind a financial decision but on the main street, greed is simply a social evil. As a ramification of a scornful mind, greed is a derisive act, which pushes us to an overwhelming desire for more and an unending hunger for money, temporal pleasures to faking relationships and hurting other’s emotions. Greed is not about acquiring wealth and getting richer. It actually is like entering a glittering passage to experience the darkness of ignorance and concealment that robs us of our moral values and good deeds to ultimately make us poor.

If King Siddhartha, more commonly known as the erstwhile Gautama Buddha had been greedy, this world would have been deprived of Buddhism’s spiritual teachings and awakenings. If Aristotle had been greedy, a comprehensive system of western philosophy of morality, aesthetics, logic, science, politics and metaphysics would have remained obscure. Had avarice been the motive behind Wright brother’s gliders and jet plane inventions, long distance travel would still have been a mystery. Moreover, had Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and other revolutionists been grabby, freedom would have remained a word coined just in encyclopedias and dictionaries.

Greed is a negative emotion that has multiple hidden faces and can lead to pseudo-behaviors that spoil the harmony in relationships and sanctity in humanity. Power through unethical means, satisfying lust through extramarital affairs, breeding violence and extremism through terrorism, wealth maximization through stock scams and fraudulent practices, reaping higher profits margins through selling fake and defected products, are some common illustrations of greed. One of the fundamental principles of greed starts with ‘I, Me, and Myself’. Knowingly or unknowingly such feeling is the greed for control, the home of ego and the state of prejudice.

Like other negative emotions, greed too can take any form and slowly alienate us from valuable moments and small pleasures of life. Joy and gratification that we experience in love or a hearty laugh can be viciously eaten by greed. To illustrate further on this, trading educated and professionally competent sons for material wealth is a common practice that revolves around the concept of marriages in India. Unfortunately even if the girl is well educated, cultured and belongs to a respectable family, she still is weighed against money and material assets in a greedy trade-off. Predominance of such behavior in the form of greed in a sacred institution like marriage disturbs the theme and belief that marriages are made in heaven. More importantly, such behavior blots the initiation of new relationship between two individuals and two families that can otherwise begin with a positive note and on a leveled turf. If greed is the culture our sons and daughters, brothers and sisters are made to breed, then our society is certainly heading fast towards an apocalypse of hope, optimism, trust and respect in human relationships. An educated and matured women once said to me, ‘Do you think dowry death cases that are reported in the press and media are really true? I don’t believe it.’ Her conscious statement perhaps had a subconscious message. She may have been sailing the same dowry boat when she married her son and her statement was a mode to conceal her emotions and greedy self.

Bitter, yet true, such is the veil of greed that superimposes the real us. It takes us to a no-return point in life and in relationships to ultimately distance us from our family and children. Greed also takes us to a mental and emotional level where genuine love, impartial actions, honesty and sincerity seem inferior to abounding wealth. Erich Fromm, a German social psychologist and humanistic philosopher rightly said, ‘Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction’. Some of the ways to get out of greedy shackles is to limit our desires so that aspirations today do not become over ambitions tomorrow. Also, valuing relationships more than material assets is yet another way to track greedy behavior as relationships may be broken just in seconds but it takes a life to mend them back. Most importantly, as parents we should be cautious of not deterring from our morality and ethics. If we have greed nesting in us today how would we stop our children from such an unhealthy contagion tomorrow?

Copyright (c) 2009-Present Dharbarkha.blogspot 
Photo Courtesy:  tdcgames

Black History Month

The 4th of February indeed is a remarkable day to write this post as it’s the birth anniversary of Rosa Parks, ‘Mother of the Modern Day Civil Rights movement’. Her resistance to racial segregation back in 1955 has been auxiliary to the history of Social change in America. Her action that sparked the Montgomery, Alabama bus boycott is one of the many notable and moving incidents of the American History and just not Black history.  The courageous acts of Thurgood Marshall, a Civil rights lawyer, who won the famous ‘Brown Vs. Board of education of Topeka(1954)’ case that ended the segregation between black and white kids in public schools, is yet another adjutant of America’s racial history. The phenomenal address, ‘Ain’t I a woman?’ by Sojourner Truth at Akron, Ohio back in the dark tunnels of time, and the unforgettable acts of so many other civil rights activists, all have been  incidents of evolution, metamorphosis and America’s rebirth on the racial map.

From its inception as Negro history week in 1926 to its current entity as black history month, this period is a celebration of freedom, identity, diversity, reverence and remembrance and most of all expression, opinion and action. Sometimes it’s hard to understand that what took America so long to end apartheid? Why did this nation and its children have to suffer for long because of their color? Why did America have to wait 55 years before they could choose a black president? I guess answer to these questions is voice bound and mind bound because any kind of discrimination is an antagonistic pattern provoked by morally repugnant minds. It’s also complicated to assess if the so called oppression or segregation has really ended or is it still hidden under political covers. Initiating a ‘Birthers movement’ against President Obama is one incident that could take us back to controversial coffee sessions or round table discussions. Moreover, why do our children still have to add their native race, ‘African, Latino Irish or Asian’ before they could introduce themselves as Americans?

In my view, history of any nation is just not about its industrialization, colonization or expansion. It is also about its people, their culture, their trials and tribulations, sufferings and emancipation. That’s what I would say American history is about, which seems to have a silent partake in the Black History Month. All the more, Black heritage is a saga of transition. It’s a tale not about the end of subjugation but the beginning of independence and a monarchy of self-reliance and equality, where no race is better than human race. Such egalitarianism in our thinking can infuse real change, which actually is an impending action of discharging ourselves from the shackles of bigotry to move forward towards humanity. To conclude, I would say America today is like a rainbow, which beautifies the sky with different shades. It is a nation just not of multiple races but of vivid colors. It however has to remember forever that Black History Month is also like that color spectrum, which  signifies one prominent color that made America what it is today, a nation founded on the beatitude of love, values and aspirations of dreams of million eyes that can be achieved and realized through one heart and one mind.

Copyright (c) 2010 - present Dharbarkha.blogspot
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