Showing posts with label Ego. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ego. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Say No To Hitler Style Relationships


If anybody had to get a hindsight of who Hitler was as a leader and as a person, then learning about him through his sayings would be a flashback of terror. Most of his quotes on waging a war, leadership and governance, revolutions, and struggle are passionate, but also pugnacious. Hitler seemed to be a man defined by extremism and belligerence, which may have been a boon to the Nazi rule. As a leader, Hitler would be always remembered as a great warrior and an authoritarian for whom victory was a battle of conquest. However, most of us may know little about him as a person. Walter S. Zapotoczny’s Hitler’s Leadership style: The undoing of Germany mentions, ‘‘Hitler combined his insistence on personal control with a leadership style that often consisted of equal parts stubbornness and indecisiveness.’’ Hitler’s such mental state and emotional behavior is a subtle revelation of his psyche and selfdom, which also forms a contour to his relationship style. 


Not surprisingly enough, but leadership is an offshoot of relationships. In addition to the domain of traits and skills, leadership is a pilotage of emotions that navigates feelings to purpose. A positive leadership builds, strengthens, and defines relationships through exchange of ideas, fair participation, and welcoming change to adapt to newer styles. Such facet is an important dimension in relationships, which helps sustain a healthy and open minded lifestyle. In my view, hearty living starts with wholesome relationships where nourishment of feelings is generated through independence and providing space to people so that love flows naturally and not superficially. Feelings of control, superiority, and spurious means to provocation have no seat in a proactive relationship. Moreover, respect being a predominant aspect in relationships is not demanded, but earned through love and giving way to trust so that any relationship that starts fresh should not end while it’s still in its cocoon. Such principle is universally applicable, whether in love, or marital relationships, between parents and children, with in-laws, among friends and co-workers, or acquaintances. 


Also, nurturing relationships is a long drawn process that should begin on a leveled surface. When we enter into new relationships, thoughtful and careful dealings lessen our emotional stress of adjusting to a new way of life. For instance, a new bride hopes to enter her groom’s family with aspirations of affinity and not abomination. In parent-child relationships, clogging a child’s autonomy through excessive control hurts a child’s psychological development and emotional expression. Being a watchdog as a parent is certainly fair, but exceeding our relationship beyond limits where a child’s expression is controlled, or manipulated seems inappropriate. In marital relationships, sharing of equitable status among the couple goes miles in building the character of their marriage as an institution of love and faith. Giving dent to feelings periodically, carefully listening to each other, providing breathing space and scope to operate autonomously are some ways to sustain a healthy relationship.


It is important to note that keeping our emotions in check when in a relationship is more productive than controlling the relationship itself. Control freaks do not last forever. Their aggression ends relationships in a sour taste. A participative style of dealings is always better than harsh motives of conquering the relationship. Such preventive measures make a relationship more receptive and meaningful.  Healthy relationships infuse us with positive energy and give a humanitarian face to our feelings and not an egoistic visage. Hence, learning a lesson from a bygone era is to begin refinement of old habits and practices to set ourselves in motion for change.  History is reminiscent of Hitler’s relationships being disturbed since early childhood years with his liking for giving orders. His eccentric behavior and his additiction to creating emotional extremism through his eloquent speeches would put his audiences into a near state of hysteria besides emotions of anger and hate that often resulted in acts of violence. Hitler, however, would be remembered as a powerful personality and an impressionist, but his relationships shall always remain a predicament. For all of us, nonetheless it is time we extirpate the hidden Hitler in us, so that healthy relationships today ascend us to a state of fruition tomorrow. 

Copyright (c) 2009 - Present Dharbarkha.blogspot 
Phot Courtesy: Imageshack




Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Greed Is Contemptuous

On the Wall Street greed and fear may be the psychology behind an investment portfolio that helps analyze social, cognitive and emotional moves behind a financial decision but on the main street, greed is simply a social evil. As a ramification of a scornful mind, greed is a derisive act, which pushes us to an overwhelming desire for more and an unending hunger for money, temporal pleasures to faking relationships and hurting other’s emotions. Greed is not about acquiring wealth and getting richer. It actually is like entering a glittering passage to experience the darkness of ignorance and concealment that robs us of our moral values and good deeds to ultimately make us poor.


If King Siddhartha, more commonly known as the erstwhile Gautama Buddha had been greedy, this world would have been deprived of Buddhism’s spiritual teachings and awakenings. If Aristotle had been greedy, a comprehensive system of western philosophy of morality, aesthetics, logic, science, politics and metaphysics would have remained obscure. Had avarice been the motive behind Wright brother’s gliders and jet plane inventions, long distance travel would still have been a mystery. Moreover, had Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and other revolutionists been grabby, freedom would have remained a word coined just in encyclopedias and dictionaries.


Greed is a negative emotion that has multiple hidden faces and can lead to pseudo-behaviors that spoil the harmony in relationships and sanctity in humanity. Power through unethical means, satisfying lust through extramarital affairs, breeding violence and extremism through terrorism, wealth maximization through stock scams and fraudulent practices, reaping higher profits margins through selling fake and defected products, are some common illustrations of greed. One of the fundamental principles of greed starts with ‘I, Me, and Myself’. Knowingly or unknowingly such feeling is the greed for control, the home of ego and the state of prejudice.


Like other negative emotions, greed too can take any form and slowly alienate us from valuable moments and small pleasures of life. Joy and gratification that we experience in love or a hearty laugh can be viciously eaten by greed. To illustrate further on this, trading educated and professionally competent sons for material wealth is a common practice that revolves around the concept of marriages in India. Unfortunately even if the girl is well educated, cultured and belongs to a respectable family, she still is weighed against money and material assets in a greedy trade-off. Predominance of such behavior in the form of greed in a sacred institution like marriage disturbs the theme and belief that marriages are made in heaven. More importantly, such behavior blots the initiation of new relationship between two individuals and two families that can otherwise begin with a positive note and on a leveled turf. If greed is the culture our sons and daughters, brothers and sisters are made to breed, then our society is certainly heading fast towards an apocalypse of hope, optimism, trust and respect in human relationships. An educated and matured women once said to me, ‘Do you think dowry death cases that are reported in the press and media are really true? I don’t believe it.’ Her conscious statement perhaps had a subconscious message. She may have been sailing the same dowry boat when she married her son and her statement was a mode to conceal her emotions and greedy self.


Bitter, yet true, such is the veil of greed that superimposes the real us. It takes us to a no-return point in life and in relationships to ultimately distance us from our family and children. Greed also takes us to a mental and emotional level where genuine love, impartial actions, honesty and sincerity seem inferior to abounding wealth. Erich Fromm, a German social psychologist and humanistic philosopher rightly said, ‘Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction’. Some of the ways to get out of greedy shackles is to limit our desires so that aspirations today do not become over ambitions tomorrow. Also, valuing relationships more than material assets is yet another way to track greedy behavior as relationships may be broken just in seconds but it takes a life to mend them back. Most importantly, as parents we should be cautious of not deterring from our morality and ethics. If we have greed nesting in us today how would we stop our children from such an unhealthy contagion tomorrow?

Copyright (c) 2009-Present Dharbarkha.blogspot 
Photo Courtesy:  tdcgames