Barkha Dhar's Blogs on Social Issues

It Is The Journey That Counts

2011-10-05T21:15:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought that beneath a great victory lies a stroke of small yet profuse efforts? In our aspirations to achieve and our eagerness of being victorious in the countless endeavors of our life, we often forget the efficacy and the outcome of our small actions. We loose sight of the incremental advancements that we make while enroute to the destination of success whether in job or business, in acquiring knowledge, in relationships, or when making a social call. What we chiefly remember though is the grandeur of the triumph. But we seldom look back at those myriad moments of tiny feats that like a bridge of faith, hope, and positive intentions passage us to progress.

Let me take you back to the epic of Ramayana that narrates making of the ‘Rama Setu’ by the ‘Vanar Sena’ an unforgettable saga. To rescue his beloved wife Sita from Ravana’s confinement in Lanka, Lord Rama was determined in his mission to cross ‘Sethusamudram,’ the sea that separates India from Sri Lanka. The Lord’s heroic army of monkeys thus constructed a massive bridge or ‘Setu’ that ultimately became a platform to reach the final destination. It is said that the width of the bridge was about two ‘yojnas,’ each of which were eight to ten miles long. Hence, one by one thousands of monkey heroes jumped in joy all across the forest to fetch gigantic stones, logs of wood, and reeds to initiate their cumbersome voyage. These courageous and dedicated monkeys broke many rocks and trees and dragged them away to the sea. They filled the ocean’s core with a heap of elements. Some were huge while others infinitesimal. Few other monkeys brought peaks of crags while others drew up long strings to keep the rocks balanced in a straight line.

With immense energy and industry the monkeys build just enough leagues of masonry that could help the lord and his army to cross over to Lanka. Each day after a surmountable work, the monkeys celebrated the sweat of their chores. Instead of feeling low and doubtful of success, the monkey army glorified each day as a threshold to progress. Their enthusiasm in completing each masonry league brought them an opportunity to behold the fruition of their labor and realize that success was at close quarters. The monkeys’ perhaps was an optimistic army that believed in commemorating every fraction of their journey of building the bridge with a leap of joy.

We are the modern day ‘vanaras’ and our life is like an ocean. Our every small success or step is like a bridge of diligence, which ultimately becomes the brick and mortar of a larger mission in our lives. It crowns us with a resolution to achieve bigger goals in life. By recognizing each diminutive success, we thus leave a humble impression on ourselves and on others for a stronger foundation in life.

Learning From Anna Hazare

2011-09-11T12:59:00.000-07:00

From Kashmir to Kanyakumari, India’s divine land has bore many sages. The transcendental teachings of these esoteric and learned saints and monks have enlightened us in different garbs. As miracle workers, some of these orange clad holy beings have been wandering high in the Himalayas, while some have been literary genius residing in the plains and sharing their spiritual knowledge through their profound speeches or writings. Few others have sustained the sanctity of society through their ideals of social service.

In the diversity of their philanthropic mission, these sages have glorified humanity with love, selfless service, and contentment. The moral teachings of these saints are paragons that have helped us to upkeep our personal and social values and have sometimes even encouraged us to the path of self-realization. It would be iniquitous to deny that some of these ascetic qualities seem to be present in Anna Hazare who has created an enigma of social change throughout India. Anna’s values of simple living and high thinking have not only resurrected Mahatma Gandhi’s non-violent philosophy. But have also awakened a nation to the savagery and malice of man against man in the form of dishonesty, bribery, and exploitation of the weak and vulnerable.

Anna’s beliefs that ‘manav seva is madhav seva’ (service to man is service to God) imbibe similar principles as propounded by our ancient scriptures and swamis. Anna says that life is an illusion, which we often spend in self-indulgence. He believes that instead of internalizing the simple pleasures of life, we externalize them through obsession with material gains and selfish interests. Anna’s emphasis on moral values has indeed brought forth the essence of collective responsibility to social justice and has encouraged many to evolve out of caste bound prejudices. Inspired by Swami Vivekananda, Anna encourages everyone to have purity in thoughts and actions. He asserts that the more we have the capacity to bear other’s scorn, the better individuals we become by transforming our egoistic visage and molding it to serve the mankind.

Anna’s social movement imbues a monumental mission. It has kindled the need for change not just in polices and procedures, but has instilled the thought that ‘ask not what we can take from others, but what we can give to others.’ Such cognizance comes with self-introspection and with a conscious effort of limiting ourselves from an overwhelming desire for more, be it in terms of money, power, or earning privileges of life at the cost of oppressing the needy. Anna’s crusade for social change has certainly swayed the nation by his impulse for ‘parivartan,’ which he believes is initiated by altruistic actions to liberate ourselves from bigotry and injustice. With austere means of subsistence and abstinence from physical desires, Anna in many ways has truly lived up to the quote of Mahatma Gandhi, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Photo Courtesy: Manish Swarup/AP

The Changing Face Of Parenthood

2011-09-02T20:55:00.000-07:00

A Guest Post by Cyber Nag

Parenting has been getting tougher with the passing generations. When we were kids, large joint families were still the norm and the children grew up with several siblings and cousins and uncles and aunts galore. While some sets of parents were stricter with their children when it came to disciplining, the general rules were set and everyone was expected to follow them. Going by the way my generation has turned out, I think our parents did a good job, don’t you think?

In small towns and villages, children roamed free and sometimes even ate in the house they were playing in at the time of a particular meal! Children were also allowed to mix freely with the neighborhood. This still happens in such places where people know and feel comfortable with each other. The only difference today is that the mother of the family where your child might be, would call and inform you that your son or daughter would be having lunch at her place! Contrast this with the formality involved wherein we have to get an appointment even to call someone on the phone, lest we ‘disturb’ them!

Though not so relaxed as my parents’ generation, mine too took the bringing up of kids in its stride. We took care to involve them in special activities, introduced them to the joys of reading and planned outings and trips with the aim of giving them the exposure the changing times demanded. The large joint family had given way to the ‘nuclear’ joint family, with our kids growing up with their grandparents and making yearly visits to their uncles and aunts.’

I was happy if my kids had eaten at their friends' house (usually better than what they might have eaten at home) and would gladly return the favour for the neighbour who had fed them! During my visits to my parents in the village when my older son was a toddler, I would often not see him from the time he had his bath and breakfast in the morning till late in the evening – all grimy and dusty from playing under the trees and in sundry houses of his ‘friends’ and admirers! Needless to say he would not have missed a single meal or the mandatory glass of milk in the evening!

By contrast, today’s parents have a tough job raising kids. Often coming from small families themselves, with just another sibling or even being a single child, they don’t have much opportunity to see small children at close quarters or participate in activities of raising a child. Nuclear families are the norm now, with grandparents having become part-time ones -- either they visit their children and get to spend some time with their grandchild (yes, most are single-child families now!), or have them visit for short periods.

Parents today have to contend with dangers that were unheard of in the olden days, or that had at least not assumed such horrific proportions. When I used to travel by train with my young boys, I would happily allow them to play with a friendly co-passenger; did not worry too much if I couldn’t pack food for the entire journey, relying on the train food to fill the gaps; ignored the racket when they tore around the compartment with a bunch of other kids. Though the cold virus was always a danger, one was not so worried about the likes of swine flu and such, that make parents think twice and thrice about exposing their children to sundry co-passengers.

When we were recently travelling in the interiors of Tamil Nadu during a pilgrimage, a group of girls oohed and aahed over my little granddaughter and one of them patted her cheek. Had it been a quarter century ago, I would have felt thrilled that my child had brought joy to someone, but that day we were all agitated. What if the girl was carrying a virus or two? What if her hands had been dirty? You understand what I mean, don’t you?

We hear so many horror stories of molesters that we have to be wary of everyone we meet. Deviant behaviour is rampant and one has to be constantly vigilant about safeguarding the children from any such person. So naturally we look at everyone with suspicion and teach the kids to be wary of strangers who even smile at them, chuck their chins or try to touch them. It makes it very stressful for the parents. One of my friends used to go to the bus stop at the end of the road to drop and pick her daughter up till she was almost a teenager for fear of eve-teasers and deviants lurking about. Then the schooling itself. It used to be a relaxed five years before one went to school in my time and three and half years in the time of my children. Today ‘play schools’ and Montessori’s have advanced it to an unbelievable 18 months of daily sessions. Children are given ‘tests’ before being admitted even to play school, when they are asked their names, alphabets, colours and rhymes and God knows what else! Though the better known schools have supposedly dispensed with such tests, the rest still follow them.

Present generation children are so much smarter and sharper than their predecessors that they require the parents to be on their toes just to answer their questions! I have seen my son and daughter-in-law take care even to regulate their activities including TV viewing so that their child is not affected by it. And most of the young parents today give a lot of thought to what their kids are watching and reading and even observing! I don’t remember being so vigilant when my boys were younger! :)

In short, what used to be just a routine thing for my parents’ generation, became a little more involved with mine, but has become a lot more complicated today. All things considered, I would say that this generation has risen to the challenge admirably. I think it is unfair to compare it with my or even older generation of parents and find it wanting, for this generation has more things to contend with than the older ones ever did!

Zephyr, as she is fondly called by all her fans and followers is a prolific writer. She is blogger from cybernag.in. Her creative and imaginative posts are nothing less than a stimulating pot of hot curry. She believes that nagging can be an art, if done inventively. Through her innumerable and interesting posts on diverse issues, Zephyr takes an avant-garde approach to blogging. Her mission though is to enrich the cyber space with a tinge of this and that about everyday issues. Not to be missed is her L&M and the Brats series, which will find echo in every reader's heart.

Slimy Death

2011-08-24T22:12:00.000-07:00

A Guest Post by Farida Rizwan

Who in this mortal world can be so clever?

As to escape death and live forever.

Whoever at a time had a chance of life’s greeting,

Sure with death will have an appointed meeting.

Nothing can escape death, be it however strong.

Everything has an end, though some may live very long.

The sun, moon, stars and all the milky way,

Will have to face death, on a certain day

Merciless death! Who all have turned into corpse?

Once livid things, how sad they now sleep like tops.

A painter who could depict his mind on canvas,

A man with a voice that could sway the mass.

A killer who for money had taken many lives,

And the one who must have widowed his many wives,

A being with a heart of gold or the one with temper wild,

A mother who was yet to feed her newborn child.

A soldier fighting out bravely in midst of a battle,

An innocent child was enjoying his rattle,

The one who had no fun but lived in strife,

Along with the one who cared a lot for unfaithful life.

The person worth a lot for his knowledge was great

Death never cares when it is out of straight

It shows no discrimination to any living man

For each it has fixed a certain life span

Carelessly it plucks from kids their mothers

Death is a must for even those who spent their lives for others

The wailing mother can earn no pity from death

Nor a thousand tears can earn a single breath

Death does not stand admiring a soldier brave

It just goes about on its job of filling the grave

Death is not bought or sold at any store

It may just strike from blue or from earth’s core

It may strike one who has trodden enough on the earth

Or one who is just enjoying his birth

The poor cannot sell it, the rich cannot buy it

The weak cannot hide from it, the strong cannot tie it

The shadow of death lurks here, there and everywhere

It can be found hiding just about anywhere

When it holds life with its steely grip

Life has no chance, but to start its final trip

When will come the dark angel, my hand to hold?

Just the thought makes my blood run cold

To strike the paper with pen as my hand bends

Death must be leading how many towards their ends?????

BY: Farida Rizwan

Photo Courtesy: Chaptersfrommylife.blogspot.com

About The Author:

Farida Rizwan is an inimitable and an inspiring blogger from Chaptersfrommylife.blogspot.com. She believes that every piece of her life has been like a chapter that has always left her with an inevitable lesson. A striking yet touching chapter of her life surrounds around her strength to survive stage 3 Cancer. Farida believes that the disease left an indelible mark on her personality besides providing her the power to reinvent her life in many ways. Farida today yearns to be a self-actualized individual. She believes that sometimes god chooses the direction for us and we just need to believe in his chosen route for us.

Silent Treatment: The Hidden Abuse

2011-08-10T19:14:00.000-07:00

A Guest Post by Life Riddles

If you are in a relationship of any kind, at one point or another you are going to encounter it!

It is not: Time Out, Giving some space, lay off, Cooling off or any other fancy description, It is a form of abuse called: The Silent Treatment,

Do not let the name fools you though; this is one serious relationship breaker that keeps bugging you or your partner until one of you cannot take it anymore and call it quits. It is a form of social rejection that affects couples everywhere and everyday, at its worst; it is Continual Silent Treatment, where the person gives a partner utter silence for days or weeks on end, and some will make the effort to avoid being in the same room!

The causes

Every relationship is composed of Passive and Aggressive partners with a variation in the degree of aggression. Which in turn reflects in the way each of them uses the silent treatment:

The passive partner uses silent treatment as a form of defense: Ignoring the problem will make it go away, or as a reaction to a hurtful situation which demands some space to think things over.
On the other hand; the aggressive partner uses silent treatment as a measure of control, or as a punishment for something his or her partner did. Now we are talking about Abuse

The effects:

Physical: Silent treatment triggers what is called “Social pain” in the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex of your brain, the very same location of actual physical pain.
Emotional: Since it is a form of social rejection; it affects the caudate nucleus of your brain provoking a mix of negative emotions including: Frustration, intense anger, and eventually, resignation and despair.
Psychological: You will suffer from low self esteem, a sense of loss and not belonging, increased stress and loss of control.
Behavioral: The constant fear of receiving the silent treatment casts a shadow of uncertainty in your life, you begin to watch closely for every word and action on your part and you second-guess yourself: Am I doing the right thing? Am I saying the right words? In other words: You try hard to avoid it, which changes you onto a person that is no longer YOU.

How to deal with it:

Keep your anger in check:

Reacting to silent treatment in anger reinforces the abuser sense of control over you” Hey, it works! I’ll use it again” and the episodes keep on coming.

Apologize first, ask WHY later:

You cannot read minds so might as well start a conversation anyway; apologizing for something you did (or did not) is the softer approach in any conflict. And then ask why, you have the right to know if that person is giving you the cold shoulder for a reason. If your apology or question falls on deaf ears; do not blame yourself and start looking for a way out of that relationship.

Express your feelings:

Admitting to your partner your pain as a result from him/her giving you the silent treatment is not giving up control, it is simply putting the issue up front and center, it shows your intent on keeping that relationship going.

Have an open mind:

To what your partner has to say about his/her reasons that ended up with the silent treatment. Make sure you do not ridicule them no matter how trivial they sound; after all, we all have different personalities.

Do not fight silence with silence:

That would make things even worse, it leads to a complete breakup in communication, besides, one of you has to be the grownup!

And finally,

Explore the alternative:

Ending an unhealthy relation is far better than staying in it and ”biting the bullet”, life is too short to spend in hate, anger and daily turmoil.

We are a husband and wife who love to blog about everyday’s life; we take turns being logical and emotional; though she is stronger on the emotional side by nature, we share the good times as well as the bad times and look forward to the challenges of a new day.

You could only imagine what would: She Said and He Said as our pen names bring to the conversation,
Life is a big riddle; we all live it!!

Barkha Dhar’s Blogs On Social Issues: A Happy 2nd Blogoversary

2011-08-09T17:27:00.000-07:00

Since the 9th day of August 2009, the past 730 days have been moments of subtle reckoning that have blessed me with a profound opportunity to peruse the world around me. Sharing million thoughts and a heap of emotions in just few sentences indeed has been a commemoration of my being. In the last two years, my blog posts have compounded upon my ideas and opinions. They have pulled me out of the realm of silence and have consorted me into a sphere where I can not only be heard, but also hear others. Blogging has been a journey in time and space that has imbued me with a fresh intent in life. It has also acquainted me to some likeminded people whose beaming inklings have been worthy of adoration, praise, and love. In the past two years, my blog has touched countless hearts in return for a measureless beatitude. In addition, my fellow bloggers have recognized my efforts and have provided me with a stout support to rub on important social issues. The world of blogging has delved a call into a cause and I believe that it is never too late to transform the cause into an incentive for change.

In the time gone by, the sundry of comments from my fellow bloggers have touched me deeply and have fondled me with their virtual hugs. I shall always be indebted for the gratitude they have shown over time. My fellow bloggers, including my facebook friends, followers, and all others keen on social change have been like the beads of a necklace that would be unfinished if the pearls were lacking the beauty and coherence of being a jewel. Also, it is always a moment of pleasure to be felicitated with comments, such as “amazing,” “thought-provoking,” or “being someone’s favorite blog!” But at the same time there are moments filled up with pungent feelings when people acknowledge someone’s pain and wounds and denote it as “sad,” “depressing,” “tragic,” or simply share their ideas on change. My blog has been a leeway for a range of issues that boggle an ordinary Joe. Stepping into Joe’s shoes and watching the world through his eyes thus has expanded my ambit. Once again, I thank all my fellow bloggers, friends, and followers for their recurrent encouragement. Last, but not the least, I express my gratitude to my family who have shown their warmth and passionate affection throughout the inception of my blog. Finally, a thank you also to my critics whose microscopic vision and frozen notions have unrelentingly judged me. In fact I pity some of those cold-blooded nitpickers who have been deliberately trying to tinker with my posts. Here’s a kind suggestion to those ignorant petty minds to embed their thoughts and actions into positive and productive fields instead of foolish and disruptive means.

Enjoy the perky video in the post!

Keep Loving & Praying

Barkha Dhar

Child Pornography: Sexploitation On The World Wide Web

2011-08-05T18:05:00.000-07:00

In 2004, a UNICEF document mentioned an account of 17 children who were sexually exploited by three foreign nationals in Manila, Philippines. The document revealed that in addition to sexually abusing the innocent children, the accused foreign nationals also took a video footage of these children undressing in sexually suggestive poses. In yet another incident in 2009, the Bangkok Post published a chilling news feature mentioning the sale of child porn DVD’s & VCD’s on the streets of one of Bangkok’s busiest roads. These VCD’s that were sold out in the public like cupcakes and candies depicted children from countries like Burma, The Philippines, Thailand, and Europe in sexual acts. What remains morally lethal is the fact that these children were as young as seven and that their impeccability was bartered for obscenity and immorality in order to aid a sexually deviant behavior. With the advent and subsequent boost of the internet, child pornography today has become one of the fastest growing industries for commercial sexual exploitation.

It is said that the World Wide Web has brought more zing to a pedophile’s sexual gratification and has added to a pimp’s plum, but contemptible business. Jerry Ropelato, a recognized Internet safety expert and the CEO of TopTen Reviews Incorporation says that every second $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography. Also, every second about 28,258 internet users are viewing pornography and that every 39 minutes a new pornographic video is being developed in the United States. Jerry further explains that pornography industry has larger revenues than IT giants, such as Microsoft, Google, Amazon, Yahoo, Apple, & Netflix. However, internet is not the only medium of such filthy entertainment though it is the most accessible means today.

In February of 2011, The U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS) & the Department of Justice (DOJ) seized ten pornographic websites in San Diego, California. These websites were mainly engaged in advertisement and distribution of child pornography. As recent as 3rd of August, 2011, there has been bombarding news of criminal charges against 72 people involved in child pornography network. Out of these 72 accused people, 52 have been arrested in the U.S. and 13 other countries like Canada, Denmark, Ecuador, France, Germany, Hungary, Kenya, the Netherlands, the Philippines, Qatar, Serbia, Sweden, and Switzerland. This dismaying news that disclosed about the accused members also charged them of having a global community of pedophiles who were devoted to unkempt means of child victimization and sexual abuse of children twelve and under, including some children who were just babies.

Sexploitation of children is the most heinous crime ever that deprives children of their human rights and results in a long term psychological trauma. These children are abused and are subject to repeated rapes, severe beatings and sometimes even forced to drug addiction. Most child sexual abuse victims especially the ones lured into child prostitution or pornography undergo coerced behavioral transformations and are forced to overlook their actual identities. Some of the victims are also duped into juvenile delinquencies. In addition, most child sexual abuse victims show symptoms of mental and emotional health problems, such as nervousness or aggressive behavior towards adults, chronic depression, low self-esteem, or multiple personalities. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the most common consequence besides nightmares or flashbacks. Moreover, some child sexual abuse victims become perpetrators or prostitutes as adults and find it difficult to relate with others except on sexual terms. Community re-entry is also a huge problem in many child sexual abuse survivors as their past appears like a haunted dream that follows them for long. Some survivors are also prone to higher recidivism rates.

Conscious parenting is a major deterrent to any kind of victimization or psychological damage during early childhood years, including pubescent and prepubescent periods. Being involved as much as possible with our child’s development early on is critical as it helps maintain positive parent-child communication. Restricting internet accessibility is yet another way to prevent unwanted exposure to sexually explicit material besides falling prey to the gambit of pedophiles on the worldwide web. Trust is one other major factor of sexploitation of children. Abusers may also be people among family or friends that appear trustworthy, but their familiarity and presence may actually be dangerous. Such people may catch young innocent children unaware and in absence of parent(s) and entrap little children into their obscene pleasure and uncouth desires.

Poverty is another cause for child pornography and sexploitation. Many poor or economically deprived parents knowingly sell their children into such business to earn livelihood. Once lured into child pornography, prostitution is the next logical step for most child sexual abuse victims. When these children are caught by law enforcement institutions, they are mostly held and treated as criminals instead of victims. Child pornography is an international crime that has spread like a deadly virus across continents. The business of pornography is an organized crime divided into numerous unidentified rings. Stricter stipulations thus are required at national and international law enforcement levels. Despite international cooperation to combat child pornography, only miniscule victims are located each year by law enforcement agencies. Hacking someone’s emotions or stealing their innocent lives is a mortifying sin that should require a punishment that is more severe than just life imprisonment and/or a fine of few thousand dollars.

Copyright (c) 2011-2012 Dharbarkha.blogspot
Video Courtesy: ECPAT France

It’s Tough To Be A Man

2011-08-03T17:15:00.000-07:00

Historically, men have been known to act as muzzles that have prevented women’s liberation and empowerment from happening in full swing. Men have also been adduced as self-proclaimed czars who have taken away women’s privilege as their appanage. In doing so, men have often been read and remarked as mischievous, perverse, and wicked in their willful means. But not all men are same just as all women are different. Reading a man’s motives may sometimes appear tough while at other times his feelings may be as playful as a tot who sprouts in love. For many of us women, the men in our life have been our life’s axis and we have revolved around them in different garbs. They have been the charmers’ on a date night, or have been our lovers, partners, and confidants. They have also been our greatest pals who have taken a charade of impositions on themselves to save us from the grind. But at other times they have also been our grave abusers. In both ‘either/or’ situations of life, men have shown their zing triggered by their testosterone levels. As our loved ones with a midas touch, they have soaked away our troubles and pain in their steadfastness. At other times, however, they have left us stranded and harrowing for help on life’s empty shores. But most of the time they have been just men, adamant or ardent who love to pursue their true blue nature in anything they embrace with their masculine verve. Yes, they are men, a human species who are judged on their virility and gauged for the many roles they play in our lives as fathers, brothers, husbands, or sons.

Right at birth their social conditioning is different than us women. They are gifted with more freedom and a greater degree of choice. They are taught to be courageous and impudent with occasional reliance on expressing their inner emotions. Perhaps it is one reason that men don’t cry much and they also don’t hug always, but when they do they suffice it with sheer wholeness. Their strength and warmth is also their brute force that keeps us women feeling shielded against the unsought swords, lances, and arrows. Not only this, but man’s cognition and their wisdom is the kingdom of their competence and capability that fills up all the shallow holes of our life though sometimes men can go berserk too. This is when they get tangled up in the fine threads of life, such as when draggled in an extra-marital affair, or when dogged by their dear mother if they support their better half, or when they get caught up between a pertinacious wife and a nagging and provoking daughter. Well those are some of the terrible times when our men are clasped in two worlds! For no rhyme or reason, these clasped men are split apart like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle until they use discretion and gumption to fit all the pieces together to make a clear picture. It’s the man’s foresight, maturity, and emotional stability that we women can always count on. When our beloved men use these gifted qualities in real life situations, they score over other men who don’t. Also, it is our men’s love beneath their logic and not their indiscreet acts that inspires us to look up to them. So let’s stand up in ovation for the many men in our lives who cheer us as our fathers, brothers, husbands, and sons. These men do and can make a difference in a woman’s life.

Photo Courtesy: fotolog

Jaycee Lee Dugard: A Trauma That Sparked Hope

2011-07-26T20:37:00.000-07:00

One can hardly envisage Jaycee Lee Dugard’s dark somber past looking at her bright, unruffled face, and tranquil emotions. Appearing in an interview with ABC’s Diane Sawyer, Jaycee exhibited incredible verve and optimism. Her insinuations for future appeared as clear and pleasant as a sunshiny sky. Sitting calmly with an immutable balance while talking about her past wounds, Jaycee not only looked magnificent, but also majestic. For someone whose life was wildly tangled as a child, Jaycee’s grandeur as an adult was indeed moving and inspirational. Her story dates back to 1991 when Jaycee’s life took an unexpected detour while she was just 11. Jaycee was kidnapped by a pedophile from a school bus stop near her home in South Lake Tahoe, California, and held captive for 18 long years.

As a child ensnared in a dungeon at her abuser’s backyard, Jaycee was subject to grave and unending sexual assault. Jaycee’s abuser, an ex-convict and a man in his late fifties was a sexual deviant and a chronic drug abuser. He mortified Jaycee with social isolation, and continual threats that ultimately led to a rebuttal of her true identity while she was under house arrest. In her predator’s sexual captivity, Jaycee at 13 and 15 was forced to bear two daughters with him. As a helpless child who was unknowingly nestled into motherhood, Jaycee saw a new meaning in her lost life with the birth of her two daughters. She says that her daughters brought her companionship during her imprisonment years with her captor. But in the midst of her solitude, and physical and mental cruciation, Jaycee never ceased to hope. While jailed to a circumstantial silence, Jaycee constantly dreamt of a reunion with her beloved mother though she was coached to forget her past and feel secure in her captor’s den than in the open air. In the lock and key of her abuser, Jaycee lived a chilling life until she was miraculously set free by an investigation sparked by the campus security of UC, Berkley.

Submerged into darkness like the unsinkable titanic, Jaycee narrated the deepest fears of her captive years on public television. She, however, seemed unfettered by her past and portrayed a persona of a cheerful, confident young woman who today is inspirited to resurrect her stolen years. It seemed that for Diane Sawyer interviewing Jaycee and listening to the unspeakable was nothing less than a phenomenon. One could see a stupendous Diane bedazzled with Jaycee’s strength and intentions of evolving out of trauma. For millions of onlookers Jaycee stood as an example of a lost child who had ultimately found her way home from a deadly maze. As a victim once, but a survivor today Jaycee certainly is a miracle of life. Her past represents a picture of woe that ultimately was destined to culminate in peace and joy. Most of all, her daunting account, her endurance, and the ability to embrace her past as it is and move beyond it indeed is a vestige of hope. Jaycee’s life is a journey of faith and holding on to the power of belief that even though life may appear as a rugged terrain, it does leave us with notable lessons. Jaycee’s story is not a reminiscence of her past, but a renaissance of victory and pride.

If Education Was…

2011-07-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

Benjamin Franklin once said, “Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.” The profundity of this thought reflects upon the significance of knowledge and self-expression. For centuries, education has been an uplifting attribute of self-awareness. Education leverages one’s personality, character, and moral consciousness. As a spearhead to extricate the self from dogmas and nuances of fear, education has been the handbook of insight that edifies positive behavior, indoctrinates intellectual expression, and stimulates self-exploration. But what happens when education is no more than a paper qualification? Or when an educated mind is stormed by pseudo effect that supersedes logic by bigotry and narrow-mindedness? Most people identify education with know-how and erudition, a mechanism that benefits them with employability and professional development. However, education is rarely taken as a supplement to enlightenment, open-mindedness, and refinement of the self. Had education been the core of mastery in life, man would have been much wiser and content than he is today. Negative thoughts, sulking behavior, greed, jealousy, anger and betrayal would thus have been replaced by joy, good nature, and peace of mind.

Moreover, violence, carnage, and abuse would have been infinitesimal currents in the life’s oceanic expanse had education been the force behind life’s flow. But the truth is that it is not. Perhaps it is one reason why many educated professionals live a duplicitous life where they perpetually craft ill means to put down others. For instance, many cases of dowry harassment and assault in India involve in-laws who are educated professionals, but have still made their daughter-in law’s life a living hell. Being educated and belonging to respectful families, these in-laws forget to be loving and respectful to their son’s or brother’s wife. They apparently forget that education does not teach them to suppress someone’s belief system, curtail their aspirations, or command their life. In such unfortunate and indeed unexpected circumstances, delicate relationships go haywire. Education also does not preach double standards where there are contradictory principles set for family members, such as privileges for the daughter and boundaries for the daughter in-law. The situation worsens in cases where an educated sister-in-law (who is a year younger to the daughter in law) acts as the second mother-in-law with her list of pretentious demands. The relationship decays when the same sister-in-law (aka junior mother-in-law) with her obsessive personality meddles in the day-to-day affairs of the married couple. The sister-in-law’s excessive intrusion of the married couple’s privacy puts the couple’s life on the edge. What then is the purpose of being educated if we do not learn to be progressive in our thoughts, or learn to be less self-indulgent and give time to new relationships? It’s like bringing a budding flower from someone else’s garden to replant it in your soil and expecting it to grow without any nurturance. The same flower may survive thinly for a couple of days in your garden, but without love and open air it would ultimately perish. Having the depth to understand such sensitivities in relationships is not just a matter of degree, but a matter of maturity and mindset.

Photo Courtesy: Myspace

It’s Dowry, Not Gender

2011-07-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

With recent heed to the brutal crime of female infanticide, and the plans for imposing stringent regulations against the offenders of such crime, Indian government may also need to fasten its anti-dowry laws under section 498A of the Indian Penal Code (IPC). The dowry system in India has been a cultural relic that over the years has proved to be pagan and covetous. As a hedonistic practice, dowry has made marriage in India a predatory tradition indeed. Eons ago, dowry was a custom that ensured economic security of the bride, and was not overwhelming for her parents. Today, however, it is an inundated obligation that leads to a massacre of innocent souls who are entrapped and pushed into a burning pot. Often, girls’ education, including the costs associated with her professional standing is a financial responsibility of the parents in India. Dowry though is an expense over and above this. Also, both rural and urban parents aspire to accomplish their responsibilities towards the girl child amiably. However, parent’s socio-economic statuses and the uncouth social and cultural pressures in society play a significant role against this endeavor. A majority of parents who are working class or are in the rural areas with least economic feasibilities can thus only fulfill bare necessities.

The fear, threat, and demand for dowry are so massive that a bridegroom’s family can easily chaff the grains from the grass while looking for a match for their boy. What counts as a suitable match for their ‘boy’ is a list beyond a girl’s character, values, or her professional education. It instead has to do a lot with her parent’s economic background, their bank balance, and ownership of property. Demand for dowry gets double in cases where the groom has a sister of marriageable age. There are requisitions and expectations that include expenses for the groom’s sister’s marriage reception besides marriage accommodation and travel expenses. This all is a collective burden on a bride’s helpless parents. Ironically, most gold digger in-laws are those who have daughter(s), and most dowry demands are initiated by mother-in-laws who have been someone’s daughters themselves. Insufficient dowry is also a prominent cause for family feud post marriage. In cases where the in-laws are not satisfied with the overall marital transaction, they continuously harass the daughter-in-law for dowry. However, if the daughter-in-law is not submissive enough to the pretentious and imposing demands of the in-laws, she is finally type casted as the ‘black sheep.’ Dowry is also an antecedent to domestic violence in India. Some of the Indian states with dowry as a rising criminal offense are Uttar Pradesh (UP), Jharkhand, Andhra Pradesh (AP), Kerala, and Punjab.

In addition, there are innumerable cases of dowry deaths and harassment that go unheard and unnoticed because of a patriarchal society that favors sons over daughters besides a failing law that hardly prohibits the lustful practice of dowry. Unfortunately, dowry is a social evil that mainly victimizes and traumatizes a girl, including her parents. In India, girls who are dowry survivors rarely have a strong social support system and anti-dowry laws are barely a blazing agenda among the political parties as well. Also, there isn’t enough political picketing against dowry and thus many poor and urban Indian families wish that they never bear a daughter. Dowry is a big devil that costs an exorbitant price for being a girl and for having a gender that is so ruthlessly knocked off in the womb or slayed at birth. Saving India’s unborn daughters from the clutches of a social evil like dowry would thus be a tribute to its lost and slain daughters.

Photo Courtesy: Lakshmi Prabhala/acctitude

Support A Mother, Save Her Daughters

2011-07-10T19:44:00.000-07:00

Mitu Khurana is a doctor by profession and is also an activist by choice. But many know her as a mother who has tirelessly fought for the survival of her two daughters. Post marriage, Dr. Mitu Khurana’s life came to a halt when her in-laws constantly harassed her for dowry. Later on, Mitu’s in-laws in connivance with her husband who also is a doctor demanded that Mitu abort the two female fetuses that she was carrying. Mitu’s husband and her in-laws ruthlessly and relentlessly compelled Mitu to either kill her unborn babies or put them for adoption. During pregnancy, Mitu had been constantly victimized and terrorized to change her decision of bearing her two little daughters. After invariable humiliation, physical abuse, and debasement of her dignity, Dr. Mitu Khurana went public about her atrocities. She filed a case against her husband and in-laws under the PC-PNDT (Pre Conception & Pre natal Diagnostic Technique) act. Since then, Mitu Khurana’s case has glared much media publicity and her story has been a marked column in several newspapers and magazines in India. However, amid the blazing uproar in the Indian society against female infanticide and sex selective abortions, Mitu’s mayhem remains forgotten. Her turmoil and trepidation to protect her daughters awaits a firm resolution and hope not only from Indian law enforcement authorities and the judicial system, or from the people of India, but from anyone who pledges their allegiance to end a vehement crime, such as killing the girl child.

Today, Mitu’s little daughters are nurtured in Mitu’s fervency with unconditional love. They are growing up in an environment where girls are not feared, but treated fair and embraced with a dream. As auspicious they may have been to Mitu’s fight for her right, the little girls are also opportune to be born to a mother who has devoted her life and courage to a fecund cause. Mitu’s daughters have gifted her with a belief that when life is stormed with the unknown, one’s timidity turns into tenacity. In this hurricane of emotions, Mitu’s daughters have become her sole anchors that firmly hold the harbor of her life. Mitu’s little girls have inspired her to survive a violent storm since the day the girls were conceived. From that moment, the little girls’ lives have intertwined with Mitu’s life and her endurance to evolve out of insanity and shenanigans of her in-laws and husband. However, Mitu yet again faces a threat, an intention full of deceit that may even be misleading the Indian judicial system. The court has awarded Mitu’s husband the visitation rights of the children whom he desperately desired to kill in the embryonic stage, and subsequent to their birth never showed any interest in parenting them. A visitation right to the father of the children may also encourage visits from Mitu’s in-laws who nearly beat her to death and starved her while she was carrying the babies. Media reports suggest that Mitu’s in-laws have neither shown interest in loving and accepting the little girls as their granddaughters, nor have they ever shown any kindness and respect for Mitu. If this is the grudge that Mitu’s in-laws and her husband still carry against Mitu and her daughters, then the jurisdiction may be putting Mitu’s daughters’ innocent lives into jeopardy and, thus making Mitu more vulnerable.

It seems any contact of the little ones with their father and Mitu’s in-laws may expose the kids to the risk of emotional abandonment. It may even lead to the chances of child abuse or neglect. In the given scenario of the harassment that Mitu has been put through, the potential harm that was plotted against the kids while they were in the womb and after their birth, and the evidence of a forged ultrasound on Mitu during her pregnancy proves that little girls would be best served and protected in Mitu’s custody only. Mitu’s case is an ordeal that many Indian women face being born and raised into a patriarchal society. Her story, however, is an inspiration of beating all the odds that surround the enthusiasm of her little girls. Mitu is a hero whose story is yet another chapter in the lives of those women who have survived at the cost of greed, treachery, and abuse, all that a girl is thrust upon when she brings values, ideals, and education in her marriage instead of ‘dowry.’ If Mitu loses her battle, we shall all loose our fight against a social evil. Eventually we shall loose hope on a nation, which is of the people, by the people, and for the people. Mitu’s sacrifice for her daughters is priceless and her appeal is to all those people who see a Mitu in them who constantly tussles till the last hopeful breath. If Mitu fails in her endeavor to save her daughters, a nation would fail and that ultimately would be a miscarriage of justice.

For further information on Dr. Mitu Khurana’s case, refer http://barbararaisbeck.wordpress.com/. If you read this post and believe that Mitu has not been served justice, please support her cause and back her up with picketing at your level and spread the word. Perhaps that would be a foundation to an action.

Dear Christian Choate

2011-06-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Christian Choate

It’s been two years since you left this world in 2009. You were mercilessly smothered to death at an age when life is an abode of merriment and desires. Your mirth was stolen away by the murk of the three foot high dog cage in which you were ensnared by your own father and stepmother. When life is a canvas of vivid colors, you remained unseen in the darkness. At 13, when children your age aspire of accomplishments in academics, sports, and creative arts, you dreamt of getting out of your cage into the lap of nature. Christian, what you wanted was a normal life and cherished memories of your innocent childhood, but what you actually got was brutal abuse. You were ruthlessly beaten by your father, confined to the cage, sometimes deprived of food and water as if you were a wild beast on a rampant. A day before your death, your callous and apathetic father thrashed you heartlessly. While you lay unconscious, he locked your feeble body back into the cage as if you were a dead lotus in the lake. The next day when you lay asleep, peacefully caressed by the pristine wings of the guardian angel, your abusive father buried your mortal body in a shallow grave, covered it in concrete and then fled away from the crime scene. It is still uncertain as to why your custody was given to your allegedly abusive father who already had a criminal record of charges, including battery, auto theft, and harassment.

It is doleful to learn that your pediatrician, a mandatory reporter of child abuse did not report either to the child protection services or law enforcement agencies even though you informed him of your plight. Surprisingly, no one in your community ever witnessed or suspected abuse and called the hotline number for child abuse and neglect that every state has. The role of your biological mother in this whole episode remains inconclusive. However, your case has underscored some steaming questions, such as why weren’t you allowed to meet your biological mother even though you expressed the desire to meet her? Why was your custody given to your abusive father even though you could have been better off at a foster care or with an adopted family? Did Department of Child Services (DCS) not find any evidence of abuse in your trailer home even though they visited your family more than a dozen times starting in 1999? Was DCS ineffective in substantiating charges of abuse and neglect even though they had previous charges of physical abuse against your father and charges of unsanitary conditions and medical neglect against your stepmother? There is still no concrete and clear evidence as to why this all happened to you? Why you were always depressed and wanted to die? Why did your family abandon you even though, what you begged them for, was to be ‘liked’?

Christian, what happened to you is like a widespread disease that infests on healthy ontogeny of a child, and is commonly known as child abuse. Almost 5 children die everyday of child abuse. Neglect is the most common form of child abuse that devours 59% of children. Almost 11% of children suffer physical abuse, 7.6% fall prey to sexual abuse, and 4.2% suffer emotional abuse. This statistics may disturb you further, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Child abuse if substantiated can be prosecuted and the abuser(s) can be held guilty under law. I am hoping that your abusers face the music given their acrimonious behavior towards you. Also, barbaric act like child abuse is not just a family’s problem, but an issue requiring community intervention. People should be made aware of child abuse reporting procedures through community wide campaigns. Education and awareness about recognizing signs of abuse, or reporting suspects should be a major part of such campaigns. In addition, healthy parenting through free trainings and seminars should be made available. Open communication between parents and children about child abuse, including sexual abuse can be a source of reassurance and building trust. It can also prevent such offenses that are sometimes committed by caregivers, such as relatives, fictive kins, or other people that innocent children may trust. Much action needs to be taken at the legal and criminal justice system level. Law enforcement agencies must be better equipped to handle child abuse cases, which often are diverse and complex in nature. Child abuse is a crime and law enforcement officers thus must be proactive in their investigations.

Christian, as you lay peaceful and calm in the ambrosial home, I pray to god that your sojourn on this earth is not wasted, and that your abusers pay through their nose for the cruel affliction they put you through. May your soul rest in peace!

Female Infanticide: A Decimating Horror in the Land of God

2011-06-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

Over centuries in India, the female manifestation of divinity has been venerated and glorified as ‘Devi,’ the invincible and omnipotent that has both creative and destructive powers. She, the divine mother is worshipped in many forms, such as ‘Durga,’ (the creator), ‘Lakshmi,’ ‘Parvati,’ ‘Saraswati,’ (the preserver), and ‘Kali,’ (the destroyer). The Hindu mythology is an epic of her celestial gallantry, beauty, and artistry that kindles the eternal life that every Hindu desires. It is said that without her the male manifestation of the supreme is incomplete. She is revered in faith, invoked with prayers and fasting, and implored for blessings and forgiveness. But if this is the devoutness for ‘Devi,’ the feminine figure of adherence, then why does so much abhorrence still exist for infant girls in India? Why is that ‘she,’ the goddess is adorned in every Hindu temple, but ‘she,’ the female infant is slaughtered through violent means? Can devotion for god contradict with the principles of life? Or has religion become a gimmick of greater good?

Sadly, discussion on female infanticide and feticide has remained a mute argument despite substantial picketing against it. There are spoken and unspoken stories of the 50 million girls that have gone ‘missing’ on account of female infanticide and feticide over the past century in India. CBS news reported that in 2006, upto 10 million female fetuses had undergone selective abortion since 1976 in India. UNICEF reports that India has been experiencing a decline in child sex ratio. Based on the 1991 census, there were 947 girls per 1000 boys, a figure that had fallen to 927 girls per 1000 boys ten years later. The census as latest as 2011 reveals that for every 1000 boys, 914 girls are born. Today India’s population has hit 1.21 billion, but the country has been impuissant in ending sex-selective abortions. The figures indicate the widened gender imbalance that India has been experiencing in every decade since its independence.

Some horrific incidents of female infanticide in rural areas include mother killing the newborn through poisonous potion, especially if she has already bore a daughter in the past. Other incidents include killing the fetus while it is still in gestation after the sex has been confirmed through an illegal prenatal diagnostic test. Sometimes it is the in-laws that pressurize the daughter-in-law to sacrifice her unborn through a forceful abortion, as happened with Dr. Mitu Khurana (http://mitukhurana.wordpress.com). However, most distressing is the fact that such decimating evil is not just a conservative call in rural areas, but an oblivious practice among educated urban Indians too. Gender discrimination in India accounts mainly due to male patriarchy in society. Cultural mores like dowry, ignorance, and perspectives, such as sons as the sole bread winners, or sons as the superior ascendants are some other significant contributors to the heinous crime of female infanticide and feticide. Girls rarely are seen as propitious investment in the long term and, thus are discouraged and deprived from education and gaining independence. In the given scenario, attitudes towards infanticide become more permissive and less sinful.

Over the years, the Indian government has enacted anti-feticide laws and stipulations to prevent decreasing sex ratio though these efforts do not seem as rigorous. In addition, it is important to reform attitudes, which is a long drawn process of social change. Much action needs to be uprooted at individual and institutional level (private & public), including the corporate sector. Indian youth whose voices have the power to plead should be encouraged in societal change. As ideologues, the youth can educate and empower besides initiating radical changes at the policy level. For starters, spreading the word may be an action in its foundation. Also, the Indian Medical Association should undertake uncompromising and punitive action against those health centers or professionals that practice illegal abortions. Perhaps media can act as a goliath in discouraging negative messages and encouraging positive messages of parenting a girl child and the corporate sector can fund such powerful campaigns. In addition, state governments need to establish stringent statutes against corruption, which is one of the main causes of unreported infanticide and feticide cases. The Indian Diaspora abroad can also get involved in many ways.

A mindful way to end this post would be to remember a verse from the ‘Guru Granth Sahib,’ a pious religious scripture that says “of woman are we born, of woman conceived; to woman engaged, to woman married. Woman are befriended, by woman is the civilization continued. When woman dies, woman is sought for. It is by woman that the entire social order is maintained. Then why call her evil of whom great men are born?”

Women, Violence and Danger

2011-06-22T20:31:00.000-07:00

A recent news item in the Reuters (factbox: The world's most dangerous countries for women), is a tumultuous testimony of the onslaught against women that still exists in many parts of the world. It is a lamenting yet noteworthy issue that despite a sociopolitical voyage for gender equality, women’s rueful plight remains a dreary discussion. Some of the countries that rank the highest in this predicament are Afghanistan, Congo, Pakistan, India, and Somalia. The brutality against women in these countries includes illiteracy and economic discrimination, forced marriages including child marriages, sexual violence and female genital mutilation, honor killings, domestic servitude besides human trafficking. The report suggests that 1 in 11 women in Afghanistan die of childbirth, while 57% of pregnant Congolese women are anemic. Also, 87% of women in Afghanistan are illiterate, while a mere 7.5% women hold parliamentary seats in Somalia, the horn of Africa. Moreover, 40 innocent Congolese women are raped everyday, while 95% of Somalian girls and women are put through genital mutilation. Not far beyond in the race, a 1000 Pakistani girls and women face honor killings, while 50 million infant girls are missing on account of infanticide and feticide in the religiously devout India. Many women in these countries experience physical assault and battery, unfortunately as customary to rustic traditions and the predominant culture of male monarchy. The above statistics may appear antediluvian, but it is a fresh perspective on the existing, and ever exacerbating indignation against women.

What may seem even more depressing is the bitter truth that majority of population in these nations is either unaware of such violent and life threatening tribulations, or perhaps is least bothered until the fire engulfs their own turf. Many times, the victims of these crimes are forced to bear abuse repeatedly and are intimated if they urge to take an action against it. Other times, victims’ emotional vulnerability becomes a vantage point to keep them in a state of denial like a sitting duck for the perpetrators. Also, the fact that some of these countries are an ongoing war zone, and lack a central government system, or are partially ruled by the militia, further extinct the possibilities for social change and investment in women empowerment. Moreover, the influence of theocratic law in some of these countries makes economic reforms preposterous. In addition, incessant absolute poverty and high levels of corruption are some other depriving factors for change. For instance, in India, where women’s economic participation and educating the girl child is on the rise, the country’s social systems appear unsuccessful in impeding female feticide. More importantly, social issues like education, women’s rights, and child marriages are rarely significant as far as political manifestation is concerned. Mostly theses issues appear like a small figurine in the electoral campaigns that often turn gray with time. So, if this is the feat of change, then we sure are in for a failure!

Photo Courtesy: Photobucket

From Stonewall to Same Sex Marriages

2011-06-18T11:56:00.000-07:00

In the history of American Gay Rights movement, Stonewall is and shall always be a legend in the pursuit for equal rights. The Stonewall uprising that took place for three endless days in the summer of 1969 in Greenwich village, New York was a protest for pride, and the beginning of a social revolution. At the time when civil rights and the feminist movement were gaining ground, the Stonewall revolt became the keystone for gay liberation and marked the dawn of ‘gay power.’ This year in June, the Stonewall revolution shall celebrate its 42nd anniversary and would once again remind us of the unconstitutional harassment and discrimination against the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender (LGBT) community. Over four score years later, achieving equality for and full social acceptance of LGBT still remains an unforgettable dream. Many LGBTs, in the recent past, have been open and assertive about their sexual orientation through the support of advocacy and human rights groups. In the past, opinion polls have also shown a change of attitude and perceptions in many Americans, which led to the legalization of civil unions in many states in the U.S. However, civil unions and same-sex marriages are still restricted and are not deemed as an acceptable equal right. Although civil unions provide privileges to same-sex couples as heterosexual couples are entitled to in a marriage, yet civil unions are a compromise over marriage that thus rejects same sex couples’ identity, relationship status, and their civil rights.

As of now, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, and New Hampshire are the five states that legalize same-sex marriages though other U.S. states delimit such rights as degenerative and iniquitous. New York, being the home to gay rights movement currently awaits the decision to legalize gay marriages as a preeminent part of diversity. Issues on LGBT rights and same-sex marriages, however, have been an incessant debate at both federal and state legislative levels with a partisan divide among the Democrats, the Independents, and the Republicans. In addition, the gender and generation gap in the society, the mores of marriage, and the conventional dictates of religion are some additional deterrents to same-sex marriages. The question that thus arises is if the LGBTs would continue to live and die with their minority status? Or would they have to silently suffocate in a democracy that despite being emancipated has forgotten the ideals of equality and freedom? Other overwhelming challenges include if our society is too patriarchal, intolerant, and deep rooted that it cannot accept change? Or if sharing happiness, love, relationship, and intimacy too is a privilege? Finally, who among us decides if the society is too permissive of attitudes about sexuality? And if the religion edifies us to discriminate when it actually teaches us to love and accept differences.

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Elder Assault in Institutions: A Caveat Against Caregiving

2011-06-15T17:26:00.000-07:00

Elder assault, even though a heinous crime, continues to be unreported and underreported in many parts of the world, including the United States. The debilitating conditions that accompany old age make elders vulnerable to an infirm and senile life that sometimes requires institutional placement. Many institutions, however, are profit centered businesses that care the least for elders’ incapacitation, their wishes and their privileges. Verbal aggression, isolation, and physical assault are some of the common forms of elder maltreatment by institutional caregivers. These offenses are rarely reported by the victim due to embarrassment and fear of the perpetrator. Moreover, institutions, such as many nursing homes either lack trained caregivers or sometimes employ first-line staff on lower wages and without adequate professional training for cost savings. Having a lower quality of care thus directly affects the residents and puts them at a higher risk for elder abuse. Physical assault in nursing homes, such as hitting, shoving food forcefully, administering psychotropic medications, restraints or involuntary confinement are far more deleterious for elders suffering with dementia or physical or mental disabilities. These severe impairments sometimes become a vantage point for many forms of abuse by institutional caregivers.

Also, some institutions have rigid schedules, which more often appear like a ‘boot camp’ that elder residents need to follow against their will. Such practices quite often tend to infantilize the elderly thus harming their respect, dignity, and self-determination. Many elder residents are unaware of their rights and privileges as a nursing home resident. However, those who are aware of such benefits often restrain from taking action against malpractice. Moreover, even though the administration and management of these institutions is aware of elder abuse and misconduct, it rarely takes any action against it. Elder assault is a crime based on ageist attitude in the society and is hardly attended as a crucial issue even at the legislative level. Hence, understanding that physical frailty on account of old age is a normal and natural process of life and we all have to endure it at some point is consequential. Much responsibility also lies on family caregivers in terms of choosing the best alternatives for institutional placement though elders’ home is their safest haven. In addition, nursing home administration and management can reassess their hiring practices to appoint and retain the best talent, including rigorous and mandatory background checks of their employees, and regular service delivery and quality improvements. Finally, as bloggers, we can be spokesperson for campaigns against elder abuse and bolster the cause at local or state levels.

Photo Courtesy: Bloggersunite

Care or Cure: International Day of Compassion

2011-05-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

Famous ethicist John Rawls believed that in order to promote fairness and equality, coming out of the ‘veil of ignorance’ is imperative. He idealized a society where there was no social status or labeling associated to individuals and everyone could be entitled to same social rights. Perhaps John Rawls envisioned a social model based on morality, ethicality, and virtues. His ideology seems similar to that of Dr. Patch Adams who intends to design a society based on ‘care systems’. Dr Adams philosophy of holistic care integrates cause with compassion and is a consciousness raising effort of utmost importance in healthcare system today. Historically, health has been analogous to medicine and ‘bedside manner’ has therefore been a critical part of Doctors’ diagnosis and care relationship with their patients. However, over the years this contemporary facet of medical ethics has been slowly replaced by tyrannical pathology and health technology. Hence, the medical model with its many inventions may have reduced the pain. But it has been unable to eliminate the suffering in the absence of human feeling and compassion.

In the United States, the efficacy of medical fraternity with its interdisciplinary team of health professionals indeed has been commendable in conquering many chronic ailments. Their toil coupled with ongoing innovations in clinical practice has led to scientific, yet sometimes impersonal approach to patient health. The ascending cost of care at the medical practitioner’s end and the out of pocket expenses at the patient’s end have perhaps made healthcare a big-ticket item, especially for the ones indigent and vulnerable. On the other hand, a culture of individualism in the society has made compassionate healthcare a remote possibility. In the midst of an existing sympathetic model of medical care, Dr Adams has conceived empathetic care with his astounding fun and play therapy. His new age healing integrates health of the individual with that of the family and community. His model of health does not believe in fixing the patient, but stabilizing their wounded emotions through love, joy, and humor. Dr Adams creative and famous care through joy of clowning helps restore and rehabilitate patient’s health with difference. His benevolent intervention and humanitarian approach to the practice of medicine is a much needed component in the healthcare system today. Imagine if compassion would have been the cornerstone of healthcare, we would not have been indulging in the business of antidepressants! Or relying too much and too often on sedatives and tranquilizers leading to prescription drug abuse. Moreover, had compassionate care and not just ‘cure’ been one of the precepts of healthcare, health insurance would not have been a booming business in the United States.

Dr Adams healthcare model seems applicable in severe trauma cases, such as war victims, war veterans, and children besides patients in institutionalized care and hospice. By sharing charismatic and colorful touch, Dr Adams and his team express the ability to uplift depressed emotions and infuse positive energies among those dejected and disconnected from the mainstream. Such phenomenon certainly is deeper than the acumen of medical science. Also, Dr Adams’ radical ideas can be elemental in bringing progressive change in our lives, community health, and society at large. Encouraging such altruistic initiatives and learning from them can be helpful in uncovering a benign emotion named compassion that each of us is blessed with.

Gesundheit! (wishing good health to all)

Photo Courtesy: elblogalternativo

Looking Beyond Physicality-International Women’s Day 2011 Plea

2011-03-08T18:19:00.000-08:00

Women, for long have been a buffoon puppet of the media and entertainment. As a gratifying toy, women have mainly been recognized as an object of seeking pleasure by pulling their psychological and physiological strings. Women, more often have been recognized for their physicality and least for their inner beauty. The media portrayal of women today is nothing less than an active and passive eroticization that often leads to a desire for voluptuous figures and augmentations in young girls, an accession sadly not of their intellectual and emotional self, but more often of their physical self. Billboards, magazines, video games, music videos, internet and even sometimes in movies, people love to see women unclad. As a poster girl, physicality of a woman displays her audacity to bare it all in public, showing a gallantry for fame that’s not far away from shame. From a velvet image in the past, women today have been incited to arousals, real or fake, who cares? The fact of the matter is that women are being used and sometimes even violated to animate passionate emotions and media largely has been the impetus to it. What then is the consequence of such consummation? Is it dignity alone that’s at jeopardy or does it hurt conscience too? Does this portrayal influence our value systems and family integrity? Or is it giving a wrong message to a docile child next door? Most importantly, is it in any way affecting our social systems? The answers to these questions may not have one possible solution, as many would have differing perspective on this issue. The idea of this post, however, is not just to seek solutions. But to raise concern for covert and restricted opportunity structure that women exist in and for the innumerable overt ways their talents are judged.

Also, one of the many fall-outs of an inappropriate media message is abuse and sexual violence against women that inadvertently leads to annihilation of positive emotions. In the pursuit of objectification, how different is the sex trafficking trade that causes illegal physical gratification and immoral manifestation? To what extent can the brothel businesses that so graciously put an innocent girl on sale be ruled out from their glooming, yet ever growing flesh trade? Moreover, is objectification of women concoction of a stark expression that lacks subjectivity? These are few stances that need to be uncovered and emphasized as we usher into a new epoch marked by the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day 2011. To achieve the goals of equal access for women in science & technology, education and training, and providing decent work requires United Nations to uplift women in general, including the one's trafficked and those who have suffered turmoil in trenches, so that tomorrow when we look at a woman, we can look beyond her gender and her physical appeal.

Live To Inspire

2011-01-29T13:14:00.000-08:00

Inspiration is like the lotus that rises from the sludge and is untouched by the impurity of pond. It’s the illumination of soul that is unstirred by repugnance of life. As spur of hope, inspiration is the internal mettle that keeps us moving even if the sun is down. As an internal coach, inspiration often emboldens us at the end of the road to be resilient and change the axis of our life. Such grit is a gift beyond age and above reasoning to uncountable souls across the globe. Today I am sharing the narratives of some such souls whose life is a sketch of inspiration.

At 9, she was impeccant as a flower that sprouts with charm and chastity. Unaware of the hurl, she was betokened in; Nujood Ali was married to a man in his 30’s. Post marriage, her turmoil seemed endless with harsh beatings and repeated rapes by her elderly husband. However, Nujood had once heard that judges could grant divorces. At 10, Nujood broke away from all traditions and sneaked into a taxi to the nearest courthouse. When she encountered a judge, she declared firmly: “I want a divorce!” and the rest was history. Nujood’s courage and determination is kindling millions in their fight against child marriages. As Nujood shares, “at first, I felt ashamed about what had happened to me. But I passed through that. All I want now is to finish my education and become a lawyer." Today Nujood attends a private school in Sanaa, Yemen and aspires to board her dreams.

She lived in a village near the Nuba Mountains of Sudan. She was abducted and sold into slavery when she was just 12. Her life was bondage to physical & sexual abuse. At 18, she was sold and sent to London for life of servitude and drudgery. After years of affliction and agony, Mende Nazer finally managed to escape from the grind. Her fight for freedom is ongoing! Today, Mende Nazer is an author and human rights activist. Her early life’s tribulations have been featured in a 90 minute movie-‘I am Slave’. Mende’s current aspirations involve charitable work to empower and uplift the children and young people of her native Sudan.

In 2009, her story was published in Nicholas Kristoff’s acclaimed book ‘half the sky’. Her life was tragic. She was poor, vulnerable and was scorned in her village. She suffered repeated beatings from her unemployed husband for not bearing him a son. After days of emotional exile and physical toil, Saima Muhammad signed up with Kashf foundation, a microfinance organization that lends money to poor women to start business. Saima took a loan of mere 65$ to buy beads and cloth to start her own embroidery business. Today her business is flourishing. Saima even employed her husband and many families in her village into it. Her determination is exemplary of the inspiration to be self-reliant she provides to others like her in her native of Lahore, Pakistan.

Everyday we meet many nujoods, mendes and saimas in the subway or on the metro, at work, in our families or among friends. They may even be the common faces that we simply pass by while in our rush to exist. Each of those faces and each of us have a story to tell, have an idea to share, each of us have the propensity to effectuate our dreams. So let’s rise to the prowess inside to live a life that inspires before it expires.

Video Courtesy: http://www.youtube.com/user/BarkhaDhar

Be A Lotus In Life - Hindustan Times

2011-01-19T21:28:00.000-08:00

My latest article Be a Lotus in Life has been published in the Inner Voice section of The Hindustan Times,India's leading Newspaper.

Dear God

2011-01-02T17:20:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

You may still remember the pristine prayer that I sang to you everyday in the school assembly. I innocuously thanked you ‘for the food I ate, for the clothes I wore, for the birds that sang and thanked you for everything’. As child, I wondered what contained in thanking you for ‘everything’. To date, I devoutly tumble on this thought that vaguely describes your art. I certainly imagine thanking you for my material existence that spurs my life in day and night. But that would be morsel of my gratitude. So I am writing to you about what subsumes of thanking you for that ‘everything’ unknown to me as child. At the outset, I would like to accede with my habitat’s preeminent contributions that have been substantial in valuing what I have than what I don’t. This feeling perhaps enunciates that life is beyond our control and sometimes its course gets haywire. In moments when logic appears irrational, your stupendous milieu guides and sustains me and my fellow inhabitants. Your signs reinstate that when things go wrong, there is a purpose and that you have something daring and exciting planned for us.

God, alongside your immaculate lessons, yet another earmark distinguishes us in this habitat. It’s the disposition of your children. Besides physical self, our mind is most visceral. It reins our thoughts and feelings and often hobnobs with our relationships. So sometimes we fight, brush along with ego, meddle in other’s family matters and disturb someone unrelentingly instead of sharing love. In such instances, your blessings are colossal in reminding us of the one’s who express their cheer and ardor for us. You remind us of looking up to those who inspire us and accept us for who we are instead of picking on us. Besides, your sanctity and faith generates might and keeps us away from those who spite us or are vindictive.

Dear God, your omnipotence is your third eye watching us all from a celestial cinemascope. Its mammoth screen is like a mirror that captures good, sad and changing moments of our lives. Besides, it reflects on the magnitude of our musings that quite often absorbs us in self-praise without any heed to self-blame. In such occasions, we get preoccupied with selfdom, criticize and conceal against the one’s we dislike. Sometimes, we may even go overboard to denigrate others with our one-sided judgments. God, this is when your prayers invoke hope and conveys that no matter what, truth shall always prevail.

God, although your supreme craft sometimes appears absolute. It however leaves us with invincible quest to look inside before we look outside at others. Such self-exploration helps in coexistence. Unmasking ourselves even for once makes us realize that even if we are different, yet we synchronize as pieces of an unending puzzle. Now that awareness certainly seems magnificent! It indeed is a chunk of ‘thank you for everything’ that you gifted me and my fellow inhabitants in this abode that we call life.

Signing off with reverence,

Barkha Dhar

Video Courtesy: http://www.youtube.com/user/BarkhaDhar

Voice-over: Ash D.

I am the Spirit of a Woman

2010-12-28T18:42:00.000-08:00

Akshaya Patra: Feeding The Future

2010-12-24T20:40:00.000-08:00

My elderly friend once said to me, ‘praying for others before praying for self’ invokes invincible blessings. Indeed, her wisdom meant that our prayers are holy seam that resurrect hope even for people unknown to us. Tonight at Christmas Eve, when my family & I shall enjoy sumptuous meal, we shall pray for the million souls fed daily by Akshaya Patra, an NGO fighting hunger across nine states in India. The sanguine mission of Akshaya Patra adumbrates the legendary ‘service before self’ in its nineteen kitchens that satisfy the cravings of young children to bring back the sheen in their empty eyes. Through its mid-day meal program, Akshaya Patra feeds future of each child and liberates neglected smiles. Under its shelter, children are heirs of love and contentment. They are gladiolas of innocence, whose ingenuity and ability would otherwise be lost to streets in search of rags and contaminated food. Feeding a child reinforces their intellect, explores hidden talents, nurtures and empowers life and augurs social change. A continued drive against hunger boosts energy in each child to unnerve malnutrition that causes atrophy of human potential. An endeavor of such magnitude stirs the soul to reflect on Akshay Patra’s immense capacity to procreate in their humanitarian crusade.

With each under-privileged child fed at Ashaya Patra, lives are transformed and made viable and opportune to their habitat. With each growls of hunger killed, the verve for kindness and compassion is induced. With each nibble inside million mouths sustenance is stimulated in efforts to endow and encourage eclectic relationships. Akshaya Patra’s indomitable model of service to mankind modestly upholds the values of generosity and beatitude as new-age sermons of humanity. It firmly reinstates that each day can be merriment like Christmas if we conjoin in motifs against starvation and illiteracy that slowly is devouring life. As my dearly friend always says, ‘blessed are those who bless others’. So let’s make a ‘pledge of aid’ this Christmas in possibilities we can to Akshaya Patra and its philanthropic quest.

Video Courtesy: Akshaya Patra

link to make a donation online

I Am Thankful For Being Alive

2010-11-25T08:55:00.000-08:00

My dad always says, “There is nothing permanent in this life except for the rising and the setting of the sun”. To this day, I feel that his words have an astounding aura and an amazing grace. Being alive means more than just breathing and living life. It’s about rising to the shine of soul that makes us aware of being thankful for ‘who we are’ and ‘who we become’ as we move through the tunnels of time in this life. Being thankful for being alive is to accept that life is mortal in many ways. It becomes fatal when we get ruthless with nature, when we are merciless for the vulnerable and when we are injurious to our self through our actions. Life ceases to exist when we freeze our love for others, when we create endless hurdles and envy for others and when we plug out the possibilities to change. In this carnage of emotions through life, we forget to summon our mind with the time when we were born with clean slate and clenched hands and the time when we shall depart with folded eyes and bare hands.

Being alive is to honor the chastity of our soul that helps us to be thankful for the virtues of nature, an immortal gift of the supreme lineage. Being thankful today, tomorrow and forever is to enlighten myself for the blessings that I have realized and the blessings that are unrealized. I am thankful for the milieu that wakes me up to the glare of the sun and to the hope that today is good and tomorrow shall be better. I am thankful for being ‘who I am’ till ‘I am’. As Meister Eckhart once said, “If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice”.

Happy thanksgiving everyone.

Photo Courtesy: Sunrise Church

Helping Others Begets Happiness

2010-10-16T09:06:00.000-07:00

What if you were a child with potential worth a vista but were born and bred in darkness? What if you had futile dreams given the ebb of survival in Kolkata’s (Calcutta, India) red light area? Such was the epoch that little Avijit and his friends aspired in their uphill battle until Zana Briski, photographer, filmmaker and activist saw the unseen blooming in their dingy rooms. Zana’s appetite for giving back and her ardor to share smiles through her lenses gave a group of deprived children the pursuit of happiness. Grooming an excited bunch of children on photographic skills to recognize their hidden talents gave these hapless a light of hope.

Zana’s movie ‘Born into Brothels,’ an Oscar winning documentary on the emotions of these little children in the red light district portrays that happiness is inborn. It’s an expression that is not bound by destiny but by desire. Like the Midas touch, happiness is a brush of life that has the power to endow love and cheer in an eclectic relationship called humanity. Zana’s altruism is a snap shot of brilliance with purpose that also captures incredible moments of euphoria amid eclipse. Zana’s non-profit; ‘Kids with Camera’ is a venture that empowers heap of creativity while refurbishing innocent lives. Through its charitable efforts it reinstates that happiness is a treasure of the soul, which contagiously multiplies as we reach out to the helpless and the needy.

Most talented out of the bunch of these street children, Avijit who decade ago led a bleak life on the somber lanes of Kolkata (Calcutta), today is a budding artist at New York University’s Tisch School of Arts. His other street buddies too see a pie in the sky. Some of these children can fluently communicate in English today and are setting an example for others like them. Zana Briski’s ‘kids with camera’ that funds Avijit’s education in the US and of his friends and their siblings back in India illustrates that happiness is actually contentment. Its vivacity lies in sharing the elation of our heart to fill dreary lives through community service and social good. Like Zana Briski we all have a colorful fountain of affection and peace inside us that adorns our conscience. This feeling of pleasure is a paradise beyond material prosperity. It starts with exploring our true self to generate mirth in helping others. Such serene sense often lies covered beneath a worldly merriment. To uncover this strength we need to effectuate change for greater good. When such realization seeds in us we become mindful of paying it forward. This feeling of giving and receiving love is nothing but happiness.

Poverty Is An Unending Threat: Millennium Development Goal

2010-09-16T17:38:00.000-07:00

What could be the fate of a child in a womb that is nurtured with agony and adversity? What could be it’s destiny on being conceived and born prey to paucity? How shall he or she survive while being raised handcuffed to poverty? Sadly, this is the life of 1.4 billion people around the globe who survive in trenches thwarted with misery, anger, depression, abuse, addiction and victimization. In shrieks of exigency and outage of happiness, these forbidden souls are exiled to maltreatment. Their vulnerabilities inflict brim survival with lean emotional and social recovery. Their crisis, which appears to most a void of basic amenities, is actually a trauma of hope.

Entrapped with bane, poverty incites most to beg, borrow or steal to meet the ends. As a parasite of pride, its most outrageous impact is on the lives of children who are in state of destitution. Being born and raised amid scarcity and subservience, these children hardly see a light. Lack of proper nutrition and basic education, absence of emotional and fulfilling care and untimely medication are some added injuries to their lives. Besides the bereft of bare necessities, these children are devoid of positive parenting, which is the bedrock for a healthy, meaningful and sustainable life.

Most often these children belong in slums or homeless shelters. Those who stay with their families are forced to work as laborers and slaves. When they are not serving for money, they are captive to their parent’s emotional upheavals, physical abuse and mental frustration. Their innocence and self worth is slaughtered by poverty and its consequent unending drill. Right from the mother’s womb to a vacant life on the streets, poverty eats them all. In absence of conducive parenting, fertile minds of young children squander and resort to delinquency. Competencies and capabilities that could have been suitably utilized for each and by each for collaborative efforts towards socio-economic development hence go waste.

Unfortunate yet true, in the abundance of distress and negativity that poverty spurts, there lies a dearth of intellect and untapped potential, not just in one city, one state, and one country but around the world. Poverty therefore is no more a problem but a pandemic today. Over the years, United Nations’ indispensable efforts have been elemental in raising awareness about this critical social and economic issue. However in the millennium, this goal has become a manifold responsibility for each of us.

To appreciate social diversity and understand that people in slums or families with low socio-economic status are like firefighters. Day in and day out they battle for survival.
To acknowledge the fact that poverty is the ground for most social evils like gender inequality, rich-poor divide, famines and hunger, malnutrition, poor maternal and child health etc.
To understand that making education available to all, empowering women in villages, suburbs and small towns through micro-credit financing are some basic tools to eradicate poverty.
Adult education, emphasis on controlling crime and corruption, and rescuing people from harmful addictions are ways to rejuvenate valuable human resources. Better amenities shall result in better parenting, which shall help save future generations from entrapping into poverty.

Last but not least, raising voice and increasing awareness on Poverty can encourage million thoughts. Putting these million thoughts into hundred actions can result in countable efforts. These countable efforts can then lead to fundamental goals.

As a blogger, I certainly believe that leaving these problems to federal and state government alone won’t help. However, if each of us support and participate in taking action towards these goals by 2015, many major problems shall appear minor. So Lets stand up against Poverty as a Millennium Development Goal, this time not just to shout but also to act.

Copyright (c) 2010-2011 Dharbarkha.blogspot
Video Courtesy: United Nations

Say No To Dowry

2010-08-24T18:48:00.000-07:00

Marriage is an entity of benign omens and configurations made in the heaven, performed on the earth. It’s a gracious threshold to unification of two souls and of two families. As a prime religious ceremony, its zenith lies in a father’s courage to give away his piece of heart, his daughter in a poised and sacred alliance to another man as her better half. Also known as “Kanya daan” in Hindu wedding, it’s the father of the bride that offers his daughter for marriage on a promise that the groom shall perform his duties as a husband according to the vedic(religious) hymns recited during the ceremony. For a father indeed this is a moment of peak emotions as he fondly remembers the time when he cuddled his little daughter in his arms, rode her on his strong back, was swept away by her fascinating innocence, hugged her when she had a nightmare or a problem just to see that little girl leave to a different destination one day! It must take a father’s breath away to give away his child with such deep feelings and subconscious fear for his daughter’s wellbeing in her new life.

From invoking loud chants to seven divine circuits of the holy fire (as in Hinduism), marriage is an inception of blushing emotions and a moment of coy as the bride and the groom decide to walk their journey together. With being betrothed comes a great responsibility on the couple to fructify a relationship based on mutual support and love. This elemental feature is the hallmark of being wedded to conjoin and be inseparable. Also known as ‘‘exchange of Vows” or “Saptapadi’’, these are seven significant steps in Hindu rites that defines marriage as an institution based on spiritual bond between the bride and her groom. It’s here that the couple vows to each other a healthy relationship, prosperous living, righteous lifestyle, happiness, harmony and faith, creating a family together, longevity of their marital relationship, and of being true and loyal to each other in order to sustain their companionship.

If these are the sacraments we preach and practice over centuries in India then

Why does the holy fire turn into a bride’s pyre?

Why are some newly wed brides estranged, silently suppressed, emotionally harassed and in worst cases abused and burned to death?

Is the idea of marriage today companionship or a competitive sale?

Has education and urbanization taught us nothing at all?

Is being religious, devotional to god through fasting and pilgrimages taught us to suck a father’s blood through dowry if he wants to see his daughter settled and happy?

When shall we cease inequalities between daughters and daughter-in-laws that cause us to be intellectually, emotionally and religiously immobile to practice what we learn from holy prayers and scriptures?

Are those people who are ready to bargain their son today, also ready to bargain their own daughter tomorrow?

If there is a price tag on an individual, is there a bargain for bruised emotions too?

Is being educated professionally, belonging to a good family, being raised with values just not enough for a girl to be happily married?

Is it moral to ask for dowry in a smart, intelligent way and then later proclaim that ‘we didn’t ask for anything, we didn’t get any anything’?

How would it feel to lose a young, lively and beautiful daughter? How would it feel to hear her cry, sob with pain?

What would it be like to face a crisis that haunts most fathers and daughters in India?

If Dowry means “stri-dhan”(gifts given by parents to their daughter, a property of the woman, her share of her parent’s wealth) then why is she tormented and trampled for her own wealth?

Can India contain the benefits of globalization if its daughters are strangled by a social evil?

Who should be blamed for this?

......the parents of the girl, the girl herself, the in-laws or the society and our state of mind that forces us to such immoral acts through its injurious social comparisons?

These are some questions that certainly dismay parents in India and abroad as their daughters turn marriageable or are in a marital relationship. If we still wait for someone else to be a Spartan to “say no” to dowry, then who shall be the first one to break this vicious cycle?

Today it’s happening to someone else’s daughter. Tomorrow it could happen to you and your daughter.

Just think about it!

Let marriage remain a social institution, a spiritual unification and not a daunting auction. Say No To Dowry.

Copyright (c) 2010-2011 Dharbarkha.blogspot
Video Courtesy: http://www.youtube.com/user/BarkhaDhar

Barkha Dhar’s Blogs On Social Issues Is One

2010-08-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

It was last year in August that a feeling spawned a thought that gave a cause to my life. In beats of my heart and the drops of the saline that moistened my eyes lay a compelling emotion, which was like a blaze of light amid darkness. It was at this very moment that the stylus of my creativity burst into sparklers that imbued me with the spirit to do something. That is when Barkha Dhar’s Blogs On Social Issues went worldwide.

For this past year my blogs have been my efforts that have shaped into deeds. They embody my intent and heed to experience life deeply as also differently. This journey indeed has sufficed the thirst of my soul. It has also led me to the idea that mindful cleansing is as important as the morning shower. This campaign of hope has also helped imbibe that change is not an ingredient of life but the essence of living not just for ourselves but for others as well. Such shift clocks in when inertia dies.

Looking back at this day past year is like smelling the fragrance of fresh flowers in a pot that leave a scent to fill the space with an aroma, which is much stronger and sweeter than a dash of Channel. In this eloquent attempt of the past year, I thank god for showing me the route to repose, for giving me the opportunity to hear and be heard. My earnest and utmost thanks to my dearest husband who like a sire recognized the hidden me. His contributions are like the chords of an instrument that give melody to my life. I thank him for being who he really is, a wonderful father, a loving husband and a wise and kind person.

Thank you also to fellow bloggers who have been nothing less than a momentum for raising awareness on important issues to help create change. Many thanks also to my critics who may not agree with my viewpoint. Well that is why they are my critics! In my view, however even if a slight change in self, as also in inspiring others has or can make a fraction of difference, then I at Barkha Dhar’s Blogs On Social Issues has had a conscientious and a purposive life.

Thank you all for your time, support and encouragement in this eclectic relationship on the blogosphere.

Photo Courtesy: Barkha Dhar

A Gift Called Life

2010-08-05T21:29:00.000-07:00

A zest for breathing in and breathing out is what we call life. Its exquisite motley lies in living it with maximum resonance to realize its immaculate glow. As a keepsake of memories and a prose of emotions, life is a journey through time. Its magnificent opus lies in changing from autumn to spring, in rhythm and beats, in dancing to joy, in the aura of abode, in playful and innocent enchantments, in finding your love and espousing it, in being a mother, in working together to work it out, in playing your part as an adventure of cheer and glee, in being confident of your abilities to bend your flaws into potential strengths, in trying to score deftly with each past failed attempts. So let’s raise a toast to life for not living it alone but celebrating it together to move with its flow to live in now. This drive called life however shouldn’t limit here. It may begin its opulent journey now by sharing our blessings with others, unveiling humility to give hope to others on this mystical route to tranquility and Karma.

As Gautam Buddha said, “So let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful” for this eternal gift called life.

Copyright (c) 2010-2011 Dharbarkha.blogspot
Video Courtesy: http://www.youtube.com/user/BarkhaDhar

A Blessed Acknowledgement

2010-07-30T16:16:00.000-07:00

My toddler boy’s ethereal psyche as my chariot of change each day pulls me inward to spiritual spunk. Listening to his innocent and enigmatic expressions often seems like divine recital. Such platonic relationship between a mother and her child is a route to bliss and benign emotions. My first born, whose plush gazes and fervent heart that has uniform feelings for birds, animals and all living beings, is my pioneer retreat to a conscious state. His playful and magical enchantments is realization that children as god’s cherubs are the hymns of nature. Their eternal kindle illuminates our life with love, hope, care and courage.

At a nascent age children have the capacity to sense parent’s changing colors. They are the midget stars of a celestial empire. They show us that enthusiasm and excitement are unique ways to subsist. Nurturing a child is like rearing an angel. Their magnificent innocence instills that surrendering to god is a mode of attuning to self. With their wish lists to celebrate life our children signify the ‘power of now’ as a distinctive hallmark of living mindfully. Their glee as the adornment of our joy and a veil for sorrow helps us steer through transitions in life. As our significant couplers they are a mirror to our solemn state. They are the best cohorts one can have. With their mesmerizing ways they help expound on the fact that God resides in all, irrespective of abilities. As parents honoring these angelic protégés is respecting righteousness to commune with god.

Our children’s serenity has an invisible power to incapacitate any negativity or prejudice that could impair the aura of our home and the peace in familial relationships. As parents fostering devotion and karma through the principles of good and bad actions, early on, in our children can make their lives more meaningful as they grow older and independent. We parents are a child’s harbinger to this world. Through our spiritual chalk talk we can share chaste lessons that God is omnipresent and one. Among the poor, he is a destitute; among the rich he is opulent. Such teachings help imbibe transparency in faith and equal respect for all religion. Giving a boon to children’s apostolic self also advances their spontaneity and theological desires later in life.

As parents, especially a mother who is a child’s first guide, such discourses with our children not only incite them to a new way of life but also awaken us to a new state of mind. Such precepts for our children become conscious alerts for us in turn. Charting a child’s life with honesty, truth and wisdom hence becomes a mother’s poise. Any deterrence of self from such tranquility and serenity that we want to blossom in our children hinders the opportunity to set ourselves as model of transcendental values and religious beliefs. Recognizing this altruism in a parent-child relationship is an inspiration to learn from a child’s immaculateness and clear conscience. As parents internalizing a child’s superego through these moral principles helps them to be positive change agents in community and society. Such incorporeal narrations between us and our children enable us to control our own ego and maintain a balance between our material and spiritual self. As revered Osho once said, “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The women existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” Thanks indeed to my son who made me one.

Picture Courtesy: Barkha Dhar

Women’s Rights Should Not Be Ostracized

2010-07-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

Each day around the world a woman is ostracized. She is abused, neglected, abandoned or ousted from her identity to exist. Her consort, whom she looks up to as her knight in shinning armor becomes her greatest predator. Her valor and enthusiasm for life is often assumed to be audacious. She is continuously prejudiced in her right to survive, in her will to live a life of equality and similitude. Her tolerance for pain and suffering is considered to be her fate and fear. Her emotions are speculated and judged. Soraya. M, a woman sacrificed in the name of honor and stoned to death for alleged adultery almost two decades ago in a village in Iran is a mirror of such tribulation. More than 20 years later, women still are victimized and terrorized around the globe. Their voices are suppressed and their rights are extirpated to shun them of love, dignity and opportunity.

Soraya.M’s horrific tale, a true story made into a movie by Cyrus Nowrasteh (The Stoning Of Soraya.M, 2008) is a pinch to the soul and a volcanic eruption for the mind. It is not a story of a woman, a village or a country but a story that lapidates the prerogative and state of womanliness. Like her even today many Sorayas are suffocated in relationships, trafficked across borders, abducted to brighten brothels, swindled into sexual drudgery though child marriages, genitally mutilated, beaten and infiltrated through aggravated sexual assault. Are these acts less barbaric than casting of stones? These may not seem as horrifying as stoning. But the screams from such acts emit an equal shrill. If I had simply watched the Stoning of Soraya and wiped my tears that trickled down during the movie’s climax, I would have been incompetent in my service to self and in torching justice for injustice. I hence decided to present my readers with this video to aware and educate on ostracism against innocence, independence and empowerment, which are the basic constituents of woman’s rights.

In order to understand the necessity to honor a woman’s right; one needs to appreciate the role she plays in our survival. She gives life to gift mankind with the greatest pleasure on earth in being alive. She nurtures in a way that makes one learn the essence of subsistence. As an epitome of love and compassion, she consecrates harmony and happiness in relationships. For man to accept such feature may seem unlikely of his might. But it’s imperative to realize that strength of man’s muscle and character, the power in governances around the orb and the depth of ecclesiastical tenets does not lie in her coercion and crucifixion. With each woman executed physically, mentally and/or emotionally inside her home, on the streets, in business, politics or in foreign lands leaves us with martyrs for causes just like Soraya left with her story for the world to feel her pain. Man and his masculinity shouldn’t just be a symbol of violence and transgression. Likewise regulations and axioms shouldn’t be so gruesome that they become a threat to the spirit and essence of existence. Irrespective of our physicality, for god both men and women are equal for he decides not to reside up above in the blue sky but inside us, in our wisdom and in our deeds. He created man as an epitome of care and courage to fend for his counterpart (not just through marriage or any relationship) but in the chastity of an eclectic circle called humanity.

So if you are a man and you see a women being expelled of her rights……

Stand up against violence. You shall be more of a man in doing so
Care for other women as you would care for your own
Learn to respect femininity. It may not seem as powerful as masculinity but without it your machismo certainly is incomplete
Be an advocate to stop ostracism against women. Talk to peers, family and friends or whoever you think is the smallest dust particle that causes such offense.
Everybody says that it’s a man’s world. Is it or isn’t it? is not the question. The real quest is to make this world a better place for everyone to live including every woman you meet in your lifetime, irrespective of her role or abilities.
If you are the King, she is the Queen, so treat her like one. You will be a torch bearer for others.

If you are a woman and you see another woman being blackballed......................

The best thing you can do is to stop being critical of another woman’s plight
Stop mutter or gossip about other woman’s dilemma. Stand up for truth and freedom. It will show your magnanimity and not self-centeredness.
A woman standing up for every other woman will empower so many sisters in the spirit circle. It shall lessen half the problems that we women create for each other knowingly or unknowingly throughout our lives.
Break the cycle of abuse. Call for help/ emergency or crisis network if you see or know of a woman or child being abused physically, mentally or emotionally.
Log in http://www.hotpeachpages.net/( an International directory of domestic violence agencies with abuse information in over 80 languages).

On exposing to such change and bailing out the one in crisis, we shall rescue ourselves from mental handicaps based on discriminations and radical doctrines and realize that women’s rights are human rights.

Video Courtesy: http://www.youtube.com/user/BarkhaDhar

Peace of Mind

2010-07-14T20:25:00.000-07:00

Our Mind is an enigma of desires. It’s the abode to infinite thoughts and ménage to potent emotions. In its oscillations through day and night it empowers us with behest. Its astounding power is the beehive of sensation. As a rendezvous of events and experiences, it’s also the stimuli to life’s uncountable expressions. Even while asleep, our mind unearths hidden pleasures and deep aspirations in dreams. Like a bubble it blobs ideas and illusions, imagination and entity, Truth and false, actions and repose, silence and sound, joy and sorrow, anger and calm, fear and strength, angst and ease. In all these bearings, mind’s lore remains the enchantment of our existence. To feel and understand this dynamism requires sobriety and self control.

In it’s longing for more, either bounty of material or lush of spiritual, our mind travels to great extent. Sometimes its quenchless soars are overwhelming for the senses that disturb the bliss in simple pleasures of life. Our mind’s such state consequently navigates us to aggression, ego, hatred and jealousy thus disturbing its serenity. However, realizing our mind’s benevolence makes us aware of our strengths in being empathetic, compassionate and balanced.

Some of us may remember the primary grade story of ‘Thirsty Crow’ that one by one dropped pebbles into an earthen pot to raise the level of water inside to quench his thirst. Practically, we are like the crow, the earthen pot is our mind; the level of water is our conscience and the pebbles are our thoughts, emotions and actions. With each good deed we incrementally help raise the level of our consciousness to embrace positivity and change. Eventually we attain peace and inner freedom to release ourselves from any resistance. Such state is also known as ‘bodhi’, the supreme enlightenment in Buddhism. However it could be practiced or initiated even through humanitarian state of mind to promote altruism and social conscience.

As the mind starts such passage, our life gains unique and ubiquitous momentum.

We ask ourselves who am I? What purpose does my life serve?

Is my net worth more important than counting on my self worth?

Do I need to slow down in my rush to exist?

Does my conscience hurt when I speak lie, defame others or purposely hurt someone?

Am I equal in sharing love with people irrespective of their abilities?

Do I believe that my mind has the power to dwell in peace?

On answering such questions life becomes meaningful to live and peace of mind becomes integral to achieve world peace.

Video Courtesy: http://www.youtube.com/user/BarkhaDhar

Think Feel Act Now

2010-07-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

If I had to ask about one critical function that activates our capacity to reason or imagine things, reflect on people or situations, I would vouch for the mind and its mentation in conscious, sub-conscious and unconscious states. As chief of the human body, it’s also the nucleus to our abundant emotions that aptly distinguishes between feeling and willing states and causes us to exert our energies to behave in a certain way through our actions. This synchronization of our mind (thoughts and emotions) with the matter (substantiality) has the power to transform us from potential to actual to motivate and introduce us to realms of change. Writing this post is one such attempt to attune to my sensibilities in order to connect to that of my readers. It’s an effort to unite, to think, feel and act as different identities that are living to form similarity to contribute to the completeness of our existence.

Thinking and feeling as the requisites of life, are also the cornerstones of our natural or superficial identity with its voltage to influence people around us. It’s the psychological facet of existence that differentiates us from one another. However it’s also a unique aspect of our personality dynamics that can incite appropriate actions to feat. Capitalizing on these faculties as our competencies for ‘collaborative change’ can indeed be a successful humanistic impression for wholesome life. Using at least one idiosyncrasy of our positive thought and affirmative feeling can ratify inspiring actions to sway back and forth in our courage to care and share, in our manifestation to lead and lend, in our adulation and respect for each other and in a presage to preserve and protect. By knowing thyself in such manner in spirit and touch, believe and esteem, idea and instinct, demeanor and devotion, experience and expression, a peerless mission of living life is accomplished. The video shared in this post, in its simple, plain message conveys that gift of integrity and the ‘power of being’ in each of us now, the power that has the strength and greatness to create and achieve now, and the bend to share our virtuous talents now.

Copyright (c) 2009-2010 Dharbarkha.blogspot

Video Courtesy: Youtube/Sonia Ricotti

Honor Your Children

2010-07-05T10:56:00.000-07:00

For parents who feel that children need control forever, can be manipulated to suit personal purpose or advantage and should be treated with less stature in the relationship, indeed need to revisit their style. Today parenting is more than rearing children or providing to their desires. It’s not about commanding as in a military unit but about understanding and relating to children at a transparent level. Such unequivocal dialogue between parent and child is a model of communication, relationship and behavior that represents parenting. Over the years this facet of human development has transformed from directive to participative style, wherein a child has a privilege to fair expression and concurrence and the parent has an unbiased approach and acceptance of a child’s such right. To me personally, parenting appears to be a role reverse that helps me relate to my child and lets me honor his thoughts and emotions, as I would want him to respect mine.

A parent-child relationship sometimes also appears to be like a two way traffic sign on a street that has two arrows of equal sizes, side by side to each other, one pointing up, and the other pointing down indicating incoming and outgoing traffic in order to minimize or prevent chaos. But If the same street has these two traffic arrows unequal in size with one arrow pointing upwards larger than the other pointing downwards, it means outgoing traffic has priority over incoming traffic, something usually found when the road narrows at a particular end. This civic sense could serve as an augury in parenting. As an interchange of ideas and opinions and a junction of emotions, parenting is like the traffic arrows that signals directions in the relationship. Any wide or narrow frame of mind can either augment or taper this relationship leading to a never ending gap between a parent and his child.

With times changing fast, children today are far smarter and perceptive of their parent’s style. On the other hand parents too seem to be more aware of their tact of dealing with their children indicating a paradigm shift from conventional authority structure to new age holistic balancing of roles with concepts of accommodating and comforting the child. The idea of parenting in the 21st century is not about creating a family but comprehending the changes that a child goes through in his lifespan from infancy to adolescence and later as an adult. Most importantly, parenting is an aim to let this change penetrate through the child in a way that doesn’t define parenting as stressful or even a tradeoff wherein the parent barters a child’s love and preferences for personal temperament.

Mother Nature being the universal parent has an exquisite lesson to offer. Her tiny creatures like the sparrow bird incubates eggs patiently, feeds her young ones initially and grooms her children ultimately to see them fly independently in search of food and nest. This instance shows the thrust of autonomy on the offspring that boosts his self-sufficiency, something which we humans may or may not realize as elemental in the journey of parenting. Today successful parenting is as important as advancing in professional goals or accomplishing life’s mission. It’s about mentoring a child with expertise and wisdom rather than managing his life. It’s not just about setting disciplinary standards alone but ensuring self-appraisal before we assume a critique’s role in the child’s life. On realizing and implementing such change in us, as parents, the process or functionality of parenting becomes transformational and does not remain just transactional. It becomes far more yielding, leading to renewal of relationships rather than stagnation of thoughts in kinship.

In order for parenting to be more rewarding, aligning ourselves to the following mode of care giving can be helpful. The choice to pursue such means though can be personal.

If the child is an infant give him all the love you can while observing physical changes, eye movements, sensory agility to gauze his interests to capitalize on these as he or she grows older.
When the child is a preschooler encourage him to ask questions, reach out to people, and try new things even if it requires bearing his tantrums. If he cries, hear him out, it’s all the more reason to give him an advertent opportunity to hear himself.
In his teens nothing could be more beneficial than befriending him to open candid channels of communication, emotional support, advice and introduction to the gruesome facts of life. Here is the point where you are half way through favorable and happy parenting.
As an adult, he is no more a child. He would always be your little darling; it’s just that he won’t be that little sparrow anymore. It may sound as a bitter truth but the sooner we accept this fact, the better results we have. Also, this stage is paramount in the child’s life as this is when he outgrows from his parental cocoon to experience new relationships. The best thing to do as a parent would be not to judge but to gladly accept.
Having almost same rules for all your children (two, three or however many) ensures good sibling relations and mutual respect. Giving more freedom to one over the other in the long run can be hurtful or harmful for the siblings as it could be for the family as a unit.
When the child enters marital state and the family prepares to stretch out their nest, giving equal love and respect to your daughter-in-law and son-in-law, treating them as you would treat your children, is the first successful attempt at nesting into an extended family. On such welcoming effort, don’t be surprised if ‘love begets love’ and your daughter-in-law or son- in -law regard and respect you as their own parents.
Last but not the least, setting dual standards can bring in disharmony, which none of us want. So try to avoid that. Also appreciating the fact that every relationship is a pattern of human behavior may be helpful, what befits one situation or style may not befit other. Remember that parenting is also a state of mind so try and change if you want to make the most out of it.

On following such precepts parenting wouldn’t have to be a stage of depression or a situation of resistance to change but a gift from one generation to another to nurture life’s invaluable traditions. As Sloan Wilson once said, “The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles. A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom. The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard. As parents of a preschooler, honoring this lesson is the first task that my husband and I have decided to solemnize.

Hymns Of Change

2010-07-02T17:21:00.000-07:00

The hymns of change are like the rhymes of nature. Their gentle chime buzzes the world to sing songs on a new stage. In their aria of tunes, they awaken us to

deep thoughts on a new frame.

In their first chant is a day of emotions in a symphony to play. In its second chant, there is a fresh sight to see a new light. In its third, it swirls to the trail of purpose with an intention to venture. And on and on the chants gong the groove

of life to steer us through the tidal waves.

By chance or by choice, the hymns of change instill faith, a longing to succeed, a dream to share. As religion of hope and belief of reaching the shore, the hymns of change give life to the soul.

They speak up and speak out, they feel in to feel out, a notion to chase, a bout to set into a new phase. Here they come, here they come, hymns of change on their

bandwagon to gain.

Come one, come all, it is the time to rise to its lore for hymns of change hail so much more. Be careful though of its fragile fame, the hymns of change have no

distinct range.

Choose to shine now or never for hymns of change don’t wait forever. Be the one to smile and share its glare, to cast your right for a world that shines

just and bright.

Photo Courtesy: Dharbarkha.blogspot

Becoming Socially Sentient Now

2010-06-23T19:05:00.000-07:00

For centuries mankind has been culpable to a way of life through enormous contributions in augmenting the society’s potential to his best interest. From as is to as it should be, humanity’s disposition has characterized a constitution that we call society. On route to action, learning & development, ideation, communication and implementation in a sundry of subjects, man has revealed social behavior. In his lifespan of understanding the essentials for existence, man has consciously and willingly fevered social settings with an acceding eye or by fulfillment through belligerence. In his longing for satisfaction through a coconut of desires, peace has hardly been man’s drive to improve and sustain social camaraderie. Abuse and antagonism on the other hand have been his motivators to an uncanny change. Be it fallacy and extremism, transgression and despotism, befouling the nature for mercenary or modern day warfare and nuclear proliferation, all have been illustrations of an injurious mind.

Over the passage of time, in the darkness of night and through the shining sunlight, man has each day grown cruel to himself, only to get farther away from his inmost self, which is his sole identity. Someone has rightly said that time never stops for anyone. It only adjudicates man’s actions as vigilant pastor of the supernatural power. In hue and cry or happiness and joy, time conveys myriad meanings in its musical tick-tock. It is for man to gather time’s lessons and learn to decipher his actions and reactions to make reparations in himself and his surroundings. Evolving such astuteness now is being sensitive to social needs and trying to become sentient to blazing social issues. Today our society is not just an identity of a particular community but a global abode that is sending SOS each day to man to stop, save, sustain as a chamberlain of humanity. It is for man to use his mind’s wisdom and his heart’s benevolence and compassion to contribute incrementally to set forth an example for the entire fraternity to follow.

The recent BP oil massacre in the Gulf of Mexico is a fresh example of how man is daunting his own soil. Not surprisingly enough this incident took place just few months later when United Nations declared the year 2010 as the year of Biodiversity. Affecting a large number of plant and animal species deep in the ocean, this episode is a reminder to man to be alert to the sensitivities of his habitat. This incident and many others over the years are stimulus for man to transform his behavior before it becomes overbearing for creation to nurture life. It is like the saying, if you give some, you get some. For some people such outlook becomes precept of life. The significance of contribution however differs from man to man. Ed Stafford, the British explorer who is currently walking the Amazon and is scheduled to finish his expedition this August is a unique example of human endeavor for conserving nature. Today he is a role model and an inspiration for thousands, many among them are young school children whom Stafford helps aware of the life in rainforests. His Amazon’s adventure blog for kids is part of the Prince of Wales Rainforests project for schools that is leading a social cause against tropical deforestation and climate change. With two most recent instances of how man can lead change through his actions and intentions shows his exceptional strength to cue social change.

Also, in this process of being (what we really are) and becoming (our potential to be) socially conscious, man has the power to self-motivate or get inspired by good virtues to end this war against survival. He has the key to all those locks that fasten free passage for positive human relations, which are the building blocks of the society. Most importantly man has the gift to perceive through his senses that if he has to begin such transition, it has to be now. Leaving things for the future may only account to more problems; it wouldn’t fix the ones that we are facing today. Learning to act now and voluntarily contributing in crisis intervention at individual or group level, in family, community or national level can save mankind from further regression. It shall serve as a turning point in man’s nature for nature. As Eckhart Tolle says, “Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be.”

Photo Courtesy: Mondolithic.com

The Great Socrates

2010-06-18T17:27:00.000-07:00

A savant of western philosophy in ancient Greece, Socrates’ quest for life is beautifully versed as, “True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves and the world around us”. Today such enlightenment is a treasure for those who believe perspicacity of the surroundings to be paragon of the self. Applying Socratic art of discernment is like an internal compass that can draw our true north, while awakening us to quandaries and solutions through reasoning and rendition. What Socrates always believed in, was questioning about things, what, how and why the way they happen. With an unfastened vision on life, Socratic teachings are like a phenomenon, that if observed can leverage life’s blueprint. As a philosopher he wandered for the unknown, which according to him could be derived from the known. He wasn’t a Management guru, relationship expert or diplomat but his back in the day social prognosis can be an invaluable diagnose to our apprehensions, perceptions and actions in the present day. Socrates’ idea of truth and knowledge was not hearsay but testimony of the actual. Realizing and implementing such insight into practice is one way we can ease our adaptation to change in our own life, lives of other people and the macrocosm.

If we habituate to Socratic state of mind by putting ourselves to test through open-ended questions related to our thoughts, feelings and actions, or even engage in genesis for our problems and situations, we in a way initiate self-management. Being conscious through such SWOT, we liberate ourselves of fears and biases, attempt at unlearning old practices and learn to be part of a distinctive genre. Such avant-garde exploration of the unknown through self questioning and rumination for the way we are, the way we act, the influence of other’s behavior on us and the means by which we construe the creation around us, we can build acumen as a competitive advantage only to contribute mindfully and intently to the society. This Socratic love for wisdom and intellectualism in each of us can further shape our acuity to live life differently by learning to focus on cause rather than just the effect. So if we relied on grapevine communications more often at work or felt productively occupied with gossip in familial relationships, we will realize that such information spreads like fire, it may have good or bad effect because it’s just a rumor but its cause most of the time remains uncertain as such communication carries partial information, which only astounds problems and gaps and does not improve these.

Elucidating admiration for Socratic logic and synthesis further, if we feel exhilarated and secured with material wealth, cash on over ambitions to prove our net worth, why do most of us feel stressed out and empty inside-out ? Possibly here too we emphasize on effect, forgetting the cause for such consequence. Why it is that ego, false prestige and greed makes one counterfeit themselves at the cost of sensitive relations? Why jealousy or one-upmanship among parent-child relation leads to clashes? Besides why do often people camouflage in public, while uncovering there real self privately? Also, are ethics and moral values precepts that only a few of us need to follow? Or is our society undergoing an intimidating phase of double standards? These are some questions that as direct dialogue can head start self examination and aid analysis of situations in one’s life. Settings, station and level of understanding of life, ourselves and of people around may differ though. However developing such sagacity is what Socrates called wisdom to answer the enigma of life.

Photo Courtesy: All posters

Adoption Is A Detour Of Love

2010-06-11T20:17:00.000-07:00

As a little girl holding a newborn in my tiny arms was just as sufficing as playing with a new doll. Years later being a mother I felt the joy of million bucks to caress my son to feel his silk in my arms and his chaste in my heart. The weave of emotions that bonded us together was stronger and tighter than the umbilical chord that connected us for nine long months. Since then my home has the aura of my baby’s love and his soulful hugs. Parenting in my view is an enjoying endurance that enshrines us with blessedness. It's a developmental process that consecrates us with positive energy to rear children with love, no matter if they are birthed or adopted. Besides, motherhood being a poignant quality in parenting is like a divine endowment to every woman on this earth who can vent her maternal instincts to simulate colors through sweet lullabies. As a nectar of the spirit, motherhood is every woman’s yearn to cradle life in buoyant emotions, which in a way defines maternity as not just the joy of placenta but the state of motherliness in a woman. The eyes that see a child grow each day, the hands that imbibe faith in religion, peace for humanity, and the heart that seeks these values bud into strength of character, indeed is karma incomparable.

Maternity be it naturally or through fosterage is sharing fervor for raising a child with enriched opportunities. Maternity is also maturity to appreciate the inner wisdom and the power of expression that foments relationships irrespective of the ability to gestate. Like mother Mary who chose to rear Jesus as her own flesh and blood and Yashodha for whom Krishna’s pranks were more enchanting than the whole universe, there is cosmic momentum in any foster relationship. Besides a legal formality of entering into a new parent-child relationship, adoption is also celestial that unites souls across boundaries and beyond destinies. As a process of progression in nursing and nourishing a child, adoption facilitates felicity and fruition in the lineage of humanity. Couples who adopt children to raise them as their own express resilient emotions and rectitude of mind. Their adoptive effort goes a long way in contributing to a humane society where love is not bound by blood. Such unrelated yet unconditional involvement through adoption becomes an apostle of divinity in the society where thoughts and feelings are sometimes fabricated through superficial relationships.

Adoption in a way is also karmic intervention that fills up vacuums in lives through spreading uncountable smiles. Such sensibility to embrace change in perception and action gives way to happiness over melancholy. In such elucidation, adoption becomes an endorsement of hope and feat that unfolds a child and an adoptive family to a distinctive semblance in life. With a nest of joy and serendipity that has familial security and happiness of home for a child shows the infinite power of adoption that accredits a couple with compassion, abandons negativity and fears, and empowers a woman while making her capable of motherhood to save her from an emotional erosion. On opening up to such an ethereal vision, we adept ourselves to realize God’s ubiquitous power and his unique ways of making one a mom, ma, ‘la-madre’ or ‘amma’, an identity not through anatomy but the capacity to bestow love and honor a celebration called adoption.

Photo Courtesy: sentimentalsilver

Goldman Sachs And CEO Blankfein's Bleak Charm

2010-05-28T20:51:00.000-07:00

It was only before the Securities Exchange Commission's civil suit over the Abacus 2007-AC1 deal that Goldman Sachs was CEO Blankfein's talisman. Today that juju seems far away from performing any more miracles to sustain Lloyd Blankfein's narcissism and charisma on the Wall Street. Born in Bronx and raised in Brooklyn's linden houses in a neighborhood with vast majority of occupants as working class, Lloyd Blankfein's salesman acumen and trading acuity shaped his destiny. From a commodity salesman in 1981, Blankfein rose to Goldman's hot seat in 2006. At a time when Goldman was acclimated to a banking style leadership at the top with Henry Paulson, co-COOs and Presidents John Thain and John Thornton, Blankfein was at odds to rein the company with a trading mindset. Blankfein's adeptness for profits through insistent style kept Goldman's bankers spellbound to his luminous spark even during the astounding credit crisis that quivered the global economy. Blankfein's leadership and modus operandi kept Goldman buoyant when sentiments on the main street were capsizing due to foreclosures. During this turbulent storm of emotions that had people's homes and hopes in its stride, Goldman was encapsulated by nobility in greed, a psychology of investment at the Wall Street that influences the financial and business environment at large.

With overconfidence as market maker and Abacus as smart money campaign, Goldman traded abnormal profit opportunities for plunge above and beyond fundamental risk. Creating and trading derivatives which were sub-par and certain to shake market sentiments through an incendiary bet, was like risk-return marriage that was sure to end in a divorce. For Goldman endorsing such malignant campaign to its customers certainly was a gambit on its 140 year old reputation. More than just a financial instrument, Abacus was a transactional loop for Goldman's investors that made them pay through their nose. A fallacy though but for CEO Blankfein, Goldman was doing 'God's work'. Today however the whole episode in substance appears to be not a question of numbers but an infringement of Goldman's customer sentiments and trust and violation of Wall Street's most valuable commodity called Information. A step further, this interlude post crisis seems to be a silent sin of abusing the legacy and hegemony of Wall Street as America’s economic and financial heart.

On closer look, Goldman's status quo is a wake up call. For now, it is just litigation that neither has so far proven Goldman guilty nor seems like a situation of using Goldman as goad to financial reforms. However, somewhere midway the Goldman-SEC plea should be an elemental intention to restore the public confidence in operations at the Wall Street. The case should be a cardinal assessment of Goldman’s business practices and of similar other companies on the Wall Street that nurture hyper-competitive high fliers who desire to win at the cost of integrity and corporate morality. CEO Blankfein's testimony before the congress in April had a different tune of Goldman's moral obligation to its customers. It somehow fails to conform to the company's corporate values and business principles that puts clients interest first, talks of reputations as asset and puts integrity and honesty at the heart of Goldman's business.

The questions that Goldman saga begets are strategic to common man's understanding of how the Wall Street operates in a scenario where each day, each bet is a scale of money vs. morality. Moreover, are corporate values today just an adornment for a company to attract Ivy League talent? Or is the CEO's role slowly drifting away from a corporate steward and leadership led by conscience to just a political and celebrity status? Goldman's catechism may take several months before we have exact answers. Meanwhile Goldman's board will have a tough run in its face lift against its customers for whom the company once represented long authentic innings in financial business. This would also impact the company’s current and near future ventures, one of them being the target date funds that would provide secured income in retirement years for middle class workers with 401(K) investments. Driving business in a sensitive target market, no doubt today will be challenging for Goldman, given the increasing skeptics of its reputation at the Main street. These are few concerns for Goldman that serve as prelude to a financial reform at the Wall Street.

Also, at this point Goldman’s current corporate governance may sound like a safe bet for shareholder interests and value but may be predatory for a greater financial and societal good in the long run. Being the big daddy at the Wall Street, a better approach for Goldman may be to rethink its clout at the top. This is also in view of the watchdog set by the proposed reforms, which put consumer protection as a priority, shows implications of imposing the Volcker rule and tighter regulations on The OTC derivatives market which are the cash cows for big firms such as Goldman Sachs. While as it may take some time before the strife between the house-senate dynamics on financial reforms is actually framed into law, Goldman Sachs meanwhile should strategize for a shared responsibility at the top with clear distinction between leadership for business and guidance on regulatory affairs. It is imperative to understand that even if lawmakers are striving to groom Wall Street to a more ethical and economic friendly rearrangement, the big firms at the financial district need to resurrect and revamp their own governance for a better cohesion of what the government expects them to do and what the common man believes of them. More importantly, amid a hot debate on the viability of the financial reforms to bail out an ailing economy, we should not loose focus on Goldman and the aggregate of bungles that led to the current global economic milieu.

Photo Courtesy: f-l-e-x-Flickr

A Blue Ribbon For Yemen

2010-05-05T18:47:00.000-07:00

With a geographic location in Southwest Asia at the southern tip of the Arabian Peninsula, Yemen is a country that most may know of as third world. In its topographic terrain lie colossal poverty, indigent economy and grim possibilities of a social and a cultural transition. An impending plague of child marriages leading to physical, sexual and psychological abuse of the girl child is this country’s incessant social menace. Haley Sweetland Edwards’s crisis report about a 13 year olds death due to internal hemorrhaging from sexual assault by an older husband is a symptom of Yemen’s parasitical social and cultural outlook. How callous are the Yemeni men who treat little girls as cash reaping cattle and barter innocence for an eclipsed life. With dearth of resources, lack of education, Yemen’s social facelift today seems feeble and impervious, given the religious and stringent Sharia law that favors child marriages.

At an age when dolls are like desires and physical and emotional maturity is raw, an unwanted relationship is like sailing in deep sea without navigation. From the thrill of getting a new dress and some bridal jewelry, the exhilaration and efflorescence of these young child brides turns into rage and sexual drudgery overnight. A sprout of chastity and childhood in naive Yemeni girls turns into a forced and aggressive invasion of their virginity and demure. It is not only pitiful but also shameful for a civilization to act brutal and insane against the impeccant emotions of these little lily-whites. Tormenting as it may sound but this truth is like a dark dust that covers Yemeni clouds and sand castles with its dogmatic mores. According to UNICEF’s data on monitoring situation of children and women, as of Feb 2010, Yemen ranks No.1 at 32% in terms of marriage before the age of 18, which is highest compared to its middle east counterparts in Palestine, Egypt, Iraq, Morroco, Syria, Lebanon, Jordan and Algeria.

For Yemenis child marriage may be a traditional habitude and a religious precedent. But how apostolic is this cultural practice that changes marriage into slavery and adolescence into apartheid? It is important to understand that what may have been applicable in ca. 570/571 or after (the early Islamic era) cannot and should not be same in the 21st century. With a critical perspective, we would realize that if man had survived on prophecies and prognosis alone, space exploration and technological advances would have been impossible. Moreover, implementing social change through education, liberation from injustice and emancipation through equal rights would also have been Utopian.

In my opinion, child marriage is an abuse not only of child rights but also of kinship. A father selling his daughter for few thousand dollars or for an exchange of a new bride for himself in no way is veneration for religion. It’s a question of attitudes and avarice for all those who preach and perform such practice. Calamitous for any society yet true, it is man’s stereotypical nature to use religion and the Holy Scriptures to shield any conservative thinking, misdeeds or sin. Besides, all religions stand alike in their humanitarian philosophy. So what could be more benevolent than letting little girls bud into maturity before they fear of marriage as rape? The Yemeni parliamentary subcommittee’s decision that is scheduled for May should be an echo of such change.

Photo Courtesy: stickershoppe.com

Social Conscience, The Bedrock for Universal Healthcare

2010-04-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

As the CEO of a nation that vividly embraces multiform, President Obama and his cabinet’s egalitarian march on universal healthcare has been grandeur for the common man. The healthcare summit, which was an apex of emotions throughout United States, has been a spectacle of leadership led by conscience. A universal healthcare plan indeed has affirmed the capability of morality in governance amid excessive political maneuvers in the Congress. At macro level this impugning against social conscience in senate has redefined healthcare as radical social issue and a resolution in the pursuit of Americanism.

Obamacare undoubtedly has been palliative to the main street where health insurance has always been a catch-22. A comprehensive health care reform for the first time ever has given Jane Doe and John Doe living down the street a taste of triumph amid troubles and an inspiration to succeed and soar high to their dreams. It has given them a right as fundamental as the right to elect a president whose leadership exalts the moral consciousness of this nation and whose presidency has been percipient to change. Critics may still try their best to write off this metamorphosis that America shall witness in the form of affordability by questioning its economics. But should change always be measure of economic indicators, an only might that a county could postulate? If so, then shrewd capitalists and power hankering politicians should carry on with their gross manipulations and narcissistic manifestations. But if your opinion is otherwise then average American should be accredited to his rights and given the opportunity to sweep the benefits of fair play and justice.

Obama administration’s universal health care is not a pandemonium like it is still made to believe by few. The health care law rather is a circumspect of the oligopoly created by health insurers over the past decades. It is a conscientious intention to pull out the common man from the insurer’s reticent pang of penalty, price hikes and audacious regulations. Refusing to cover pre-existing conditions or chronic illnesses is a mute sin that has been tyrannical for the overwhelmed and the devastated to be racked simply because of a business norm. How ethical is such business practice that is more like a silent harassment? Thankfully whoever advocated for universal health care has certainly earned themselves a memento of unflagging social conscience along with the President and his team in the white house. A health care law essentially is making our future generations wealthy through virtues by exercising conscious wealth maximization, business ethics and morality in politics. It is saving our future from being bankrupt of scruples by means of sharing wealth and wisdom of prosperity.

As a poignant political, economic and social campaign of 21st century America, health care law’s liberal and unprejudiced approach seems equivalent to President Lincoln’s emancipation proclamation. More than political motivation, the proclamation became a social transformation that conquered the hearts of the oppressed and identified liberation as instrumental in propagating equal rights. Similar to this social amalgamation of the past, health care overhaul is conspicuous to economically uplift the under-privileged and the vulnerable to make health insurance not opportunity but dire amenity. Setting an embargo on the current Cadillac plans is a decision in such light.

Implementing the health care law unquestionably shall relieve an average American of mental stress and material crisis to redeem the benefits of an optimal and unobstructed social change. Getting insurance affordable would mean a more secured future for everybody, meager chances of risking a healthy lifestyle, patient optimism and assurance for chronic care, lesser emotional stress, depression and anxiety among families and communities hit hardest by the recent economic recession. Overall it would mean social and moral improvement as a nation. Besides, it would revolutionize health care sector with higher competitiveness in quality, service efficiency, health center expansions and cost benefits in the near future. Prevention is better than cure framework of the law would certainly infuse fresh blood into health care transforming it from its current medical model to a new age physical, mental and emotional wellness initiative. In a constitutional sense, it would mean grappling a social impediment through shared responsibility and facilitating democratic treatment not just by charter but by the dictates of conscience. For the critics however, it’s time to bid farewell to their political resurgence against America’s opportunity for a wholesome Change. The most important step now is to execute the law without a hiatus. This shall certainly mean rising above legislative contests for November elections, personal inhibitions and prejudices to touch base with a sense of prudence as one distinct and discreet nation.

Route to Tranquility - Hindustan Times

2010-03-25T21:09:00.000-07:00

My latest article Route to Tranquility has been published in the Inner Voice section of The Hindustan Times,India's leading Newspaper.

International Women's Day - Femininity Is Identity

2010-03-08T18:28:00.000-08:00

“In the ambrosial chattels of my dream,
I was born in the mountains, grew up to frisk in the plains
and slide on the oceans to caress the ecstasy of the winds.

In my trance, I had the liberty to effectuate my longings
propel my intentions to veer myself of fears. But angst
I awoke to discern the vagary of my thoughts to
actual, a truth of 'as is' and the aphorism of my state.

In the tangibility of existence, I am far away from the absolute,
gripped so tight in the shackles of confinement and control
and tabooed to lift off my veil.

I am the journey of femininity and my life is a biography of
emotions. In my silence I am auctioned for beauty, in my
hustle I am trafficked for wealth and in felicity I am beguiled
of love.

As a little girl I am forbidden to emancipate, in my youth
I am in a peril of assault. As a co-worker, I cope with harassment
and as a daughter-in-law; I am asked if the gold that I brought in my
marriage is authentic or fake.

My saga is an unending face-off with time and my name
holds the aura of my gender. I am the spirit of a woman and my
femininity bears the quintessence of my identity”. - Barkha Dhar

These verses are my own, a composition dedicated to International Women’s Day, which celebrates the liberation and the elevation of global women force socially, economically and intellectually. From its inception as a revolutionary movement in 1908 to United Nations subsequent role of signing the charter in 1945 to promote gender equality, March 8Th has seen evolution of women’s identity as both conspicuous and crucial for social change. With massive about face in the plight of women through education and equal opportunity, International Women’s Day has unequivocally advocated, identified and emancipated sagacity of the female gender. As a catalyst of vicissitude, this day has induced energy and hope in each woman to surpass the dictum of gender abuse and bias. Despite mindful cognizance and global recognition of women in Academia, Business and Industry, Science and Technology, Society and Politics, Arts, Media and Entertainment, Religion and Spirituality, femininity’s docile face nonetheless bemoans oppression.

According to Richard Robbins, Global Problems and the Culture of Capitalism, “Women do two-thirds of the world’s work, receive 10 percent of the world’s income and own 1 percent of the means of production.” According to UNFPA, “Women currently constitute over two-thirds of the illiterate adult population worldwide. They also represent 70 per cent of the planet's poor — a reality that became more severe after the recent global economic crisis”. United Nations Development Fund for Women states, “About 22 million were expected to have lost their jobs in 2009”. Also, United Nations statistics on violence against women reveals, “globally, at least one in three women and girls is beaten or sexually abused in her lifetime. 4 million women and girls are trafficked annually and So-called "honor killings" take the lives of thousands of young women every year, mainly in North Africa, Western Asia and parts of South Asia”. With such facts and figures, claiming that most women share equal rights and are empowered is a statement that I would take with a grain of salt. These statistics speak loud of the fragile sheath that a woman is ensconced under and her potent cue for change, a transformation not just for a fraction of us but for the entity of femininity. Accentuating individuality in each woman locally and internationally is no more need of the hour but a quest of an era.

Recognizing women’s rights as a core of a nation’s political and social agenda is a means to an allusive beginning. However gender equality and role parity is also an individual responsibility. It starts with reconnecting to self and to similar others in the community, family and society. Sharing common goals and driving developmental motives collectively are some ways we can accredit ourselves with opportunities and achievements. An understanding of the fact that there is a thin line between being empowered and feeling empowered is initiating action in the right direction. Reinventing ourselves at any age or through any experience in life inspires us to aggregate against gender violence and discrimination in order to brace a progressive demeanor. Institutionalizing such progress as our mission can help us think alike and feel alike, a trait that break evens our emotions and ambitions and a pledge that conjoins us. Reinstating this grandeur time and again and not just today can rupture any social impediments that cease the rightful apportion of freedom, fairness and justice among genders. To begin such journey, redesigning our destiny indeed shall be an expedient step.

Love Inspires Us

2010-02-25T20:32:00.000-08:00

Nature’s inhabitance of life through nesting and incubation is a unique example of love. Timeless and boundless, love is fulfillment in cheer and joy, charm and embrace. As a sanctum within, love unites us in benevolence, togetherness, yearning and desire. It’s the omnipotence of god and a divine endowment to humanity to value existence and appreciate the abundance of positive emotions inside. A synergy created through affection and compassion, inspiration and imagination, acceptance and forgiveness, love is unconditional and unbiased. Love also is consciousness where humility, sincerity and truth in thoughts, words and actions help sustain character, wisdom and intellect to achieve life’s goals and mission.

Love is an identity not by one’s professional degrees, awards, material gains, creed or caste but by a vent of genuine emotions though heart. Such care of sentiments brings excitement in life, heals past wounds, fosters strength to withstand crisis, empowers mind with determination and confidence and helps cope with vehemence and stress in emotions and relations. All the more, love is an exquisite service to self before service to others. It unfolds us to reverence for god and his creations by releasing us from negativities like anger, pride, jealously, fear and disgust. Such is love’s beatitude that evolves us to a higher state where positive emotions consecrate a humanitarian cause.

As a transformational tool, love internalizes success through self-talk, focus on personal competencies and maintaining passion for life. A desire to connect with people and their feelings is the invigoration of love, known as empathy. Charting our life through love can even turn mammoth problems into magnificent opportunities for change. By sharing love, we expand the meaning of our life and contract selfishness that distracts us from our internal vigor. Capitalizing on love as core strength builds emotional profundity and aids self-introspection on a scale of social affection. Poetry of Shakespeare, inspirational quotes of Mahatma Gandhi, spiritual discourses of Dalai Lama, are all conquerors of love in common man’s heart.

Manifestation of love can also lessen bigotry, superstitions, control our material cling and over ambition amid present times of fatal and excessive monetization, power and politics, professional excellence and outplay, personal and faith based rivalries. Epitomizing love both internally and externally can revitalize relationships in families and neighborhood, within communities and nations, among religions and cultures and between all ages. Love can also foment self realization when we draw its explicit energy from the bounties of nature. Spending time in silence, assessing our feelings periodically, playing with pets and children, participating in performing arts, tuning back to old hobbies, taking a day out with loved ones are some ways we can rejuvenate love. As Morrie Schwartz once said, ‘The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in’.

Copyright (c) 2009-2010 Dharbarkha.blogspot
Photo Courtesy: flickr.com

Unveil The Blindfold Of Justice

2010-02-20T21:50:00.000-08:00

To commemorate February, 20th as World day of Social Justice is an honor and an act to manifest the distinction between crime as a violent sin with kindness as a non violent mode of fairness and lawfulness. The visage of justice dates back to the origin of ‘good counsel’ from Themis, the ancient Greek goddess and an embodiment of divine law, who was blindfolded so that she could be an impartial apostle just like any judicial system is today. Nonetheless, our society intermittently contends with phlegmatic acts of terror, which in the eyes of law are poignant for the whole humanity. This ongoing tussle of law and order with transgression and encroachment is an inconspicuous bruising of emotions for the common man. The fact that any judicial system is neutral and works on the basis of evidence in the court of law is a testament that justice is not blind but blindfolded. However any testimony or proof of justice may be manipulated to put a veil on the blindfold. Such tenet of malpractice in the domain of justice is an outcry of moral values, scrupulous thinking and a sense of duty.

The case of Ruchika Girhotra, a 14 year old girl who was molested by a Senior Cop SPS Rathore way back in the year 1990 in India is a burgeoning incident of judicial impediment. After she made the molestation complaint, Ruchika, her family and friends were tortured leading to Ruchika’s eventual suicide. Her case never saw a light until recently when the perpetrator Rathore was arrested in 2009 for an offense he committed 19 years ago. Ruchika’s case took 400 hearings and 40 adjournments to prove Rathore guilty. The court has now sentenced Rathore 6 months imprisonment with a meager fine of $20. This illustration is not just to raise eyebrows on the victimized and their ordeals or to judge the miscreants and their political power but to stop such persecutions against peace and injustice. Crime and corruption have been there always and perceiving a time when there would be no belligerence at all is like an injury to the conscience, a wound that shall never stop bleeding. It is important to understand that Justice is not judiciary alone but a credo of life, a blueprint of moral success and a modus operandi of a candid mind.

I could state innumerous cases of injustice across the globe while writing this post but that won’t serve any purpose. It won’t give rest to a savaged mind or vehement sensations. It would rather perforate humanity’s merciful saddle and its perspective for an effulgent tomorrow. It is for us to reinstate and internalize the power of honesty, integrity and fair play within and only then can we externalize the decree of justice as a societal charter. Each one of us has to be an advocate of change to redress any kind of iniquity or misconduct. Just talking about cases like Ruchika Girhotra on facebook or among friends won’t help or show the strength of character. All of us instead need to stand up to injustices even if they are happening in our families as I write this post. Only then would we be able to win over evil or else law makers shall keep thriving as law breakers to continue their mission of veiling the eyes of law.

Say No To Hitler Style Relationships

2010-02-17T20:02:00.000-08:00

If anybody had to get a hindsight of who Hitler was as a leader and as a person, then learning about him through his sayings would be a flashback of terror. Most of his quotes on waging a war, leadership and governance, revolutions, and struggle are passionate, but also pugnacious. Hitler seemed to be a man defined by extremism and belligerence, which may have been a boon to the Nazi rule. As a leader, Hitler would be always remembered as a great warrior and an authoritarian for whom victory was a battle of conquest. However, most of us may know little about him as a person. Walter S. Zapotoczny’s Hitler’s Leadership style: The undoing of Germany mentions, ‘‘Hitler combined his insistence on personal control with a leadership style that often consisted of equal parts stubbornness and indecisiveness.’’ Hitler’s such mental state and emotional behavior is a subtle revelation of his psyche and selfdom, which also forms a contour to his relationship style.

Not surprisingly enough, but leadership is an offshoot of relationships. In addition to the domain of traits and skills, leadership is a pilotage of emotions that navigates feelings to purpose. A positive leadership builds, strengthens, and defines relationships through exchange of ideas, fair participation, and welcoming change to adapt to newer styles. Such facet is an important dimension in relationships, which helps sustain a healthy and open minded lifestyle. In my view, hearty living starts with wholesome relationships where nourishment of feelings is generated through independence and providing space to people so that love flows naturally and not superficially. Feelings of control, superiority, and spurious means to provocation have no seat in a proactive relationship. Moreover, respect being a predominant aspect in relationships is not demanded, but earned through love and giving way to trust so that any relationship that starts fresh should not end while it’s still in its cocoon. Such principle is universally applicable, whether in love, or marital relationships, between parents and children, with in-laws, among friends and co-workers, or acquaintances.

Also, nurturing relationships is a long drawn process that should begin on a leveled surface. When we enter into new relationships, thoughtful and careful dealings lessen our emotional stress of adjusting to a new way of life. For instance, a new bride hopes to enter her groom’s family with aspirations of affinity and not abomination. In parent-child relationships, clogging a child’s autonomy through excessive control hurts a child’s psychological development and emotional expression. Being a watchdog as a parent is certainly fair, but exceeding our relationship beyond limits where a child’s expression is controlled, or manipulated seems inappropriate. In marital relationships, sharing of equitable status among the couple goes miles in building the character of their marriage as an institution of love and faith. Giving dent to feelings periodically, carefully listening to each other, providing breathing space and scope to operate autonomously are some ways to sustain a healthy relationship.

It is important to note that keeping our emotions in check when in a relationship is more productive than controlling the relationship itself. Control freaks do not last forever. Their aggression ends relationships in a sour taste. A participative style of dealings is always better than harsh motives of conquering the relationship. Such preventive measures make a relationship more receptive and meaningful. Healthy relationships infuse us with positive energy and give a humanitarian face to our feelings and not an egoistic visage. Hence, learning a lesson from a bygone era is to begin refinement of old habits and practices to set ourselves in motion for change. History is reminiscent of Hitler’s relationships being disturbed since early childhood years with his liking for giving orders. His eccentric behavior and his additiction to creating emotional extremism through his eloquent speeches would put his audiences into a near state of hysteria besides emotions of anger and hate that often resulted in acts of violence. Hitler, however, would be remembered as a powerful personality and an impressionist, but his relationships shall always remain a predicament. For all of us, nonetheless it is time we extirpate the hidden Hitler in us, so that healthy relationships today ascend us to a state of fruition tomorrow.

Morality Is Character

2010-02-12T18:47:00.000-08:00

Abraham Lincoln once said, ‘Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing’. These great words are reflection of President Lincoln’s legacy of redefining republicanism and his invaluable infusion of morality in politics. His religious and philosophical beliefs are most respected even today, as is his significant contributions towards ending slavery through emancipation proclamation. Inspirational words from great people like Abraham Lincoln and many others are not just to fill up blogs, write papers or use them in an extempore but more importantly inculcate these in our thoughts and vision.

Morality in simple words is the chastity of our heart, ethicality of our actions and rectitude of our mind. It is our conscience or that small inner voice that guides us through right and wrong. Commonly known as our superego, morality is mode of behavior that is formed during our early childhood years by internalizing teachings and trainings of our parents and teachers. However as we grow older learning through our own experiences and our immediate support group (other than the family) becomes our newer mode of moral development. Imbibing values through experiences or by means of inspirational success stories are life’s precious lessons that go miles in helping us adapt to our surroundings and situations in life.

The emancipation proclamation of 1862, signed by President Lincoln, in my view is a great moral lesson. Abolition of slavery was not the reason behind President Lincoln’s holding the highest office in United States. However, implementing the abolition policy and making it a national goal became one of his presidential accomplishments. Keeping intact such moral psychology certainly seems like a challenge amid the allures and maneuvers of position, power and control in the field of politics. History reminisces the feelings of President Lincoln on signing the emancipation proclamation, "I never, in my life, felt more certain that I was doing right, than I do in signing this paper’’. This precisely illustrates the depth of his moral precept and the charisma of his character. Such altruistic mission motivates us to think and act differently.

There have been many great leaders whose integrity and individuality have personified a nation and its ideals. Fortunately for America, it was Abraham Lincoln. His leadership is an invigoration of hope that once again encourages us to get guided by intuitions and emotions to realize the actual purpose of our life, something that is beyond our routine goals. Capitalizing on virtues and shaping them as our core competencies bolsters our capacity to withstand any change or crisis in life. Getting motivated through moral values is also a form of intrinsic motivation which is a key aspect of self-coaching. Such inner reinforcement can never lessen or dry up. It is an internal reservoir that erects and evolves stronger reasoning and deeper intellect for shaping ethical temperament and human character.

Copyright (c) 2009-2010 Dharbarkha.blogspot
Photo Courtesy: photobucket.com

Freedom Is A Human Right

2010-02-11T19:42:00.000-08:00

February 11th marks the anniversary of the 1979 Islamic revolution, a date that portrays celebration of Iran’s liberation from the Shah and imperial powers. However, torture, political exile, arbitrary arrests and violent executions are some major illustrations of malevolence that dissident Iran’s liberation with real emancipation. Freedom of any nation is not judged only by its political ideology but also by its economic and social order. The solidarity and tenacity of Law and justice shows a nations strength not only through political governance but also through ‘espirit de corps’ or the feelings of social affinity and entirety. Such psychology and personality of a nation is the barometer of its actual progress on a social scale. A translucent and lucid approach to jurisdiction is what we define as independence and sovereignty, a prerogative of the people of a nation. An immaculate and a principle lesson of freedom that Iran needs to learn and imbibe today.

The legitimacy and stability of any regime is successful and worth celebration only if it ameliorates a communal and egalitarian mindset, also commonly known as laissez-faire. Only then can a nation enjoy the fruits of freedom and understand its relevance and significance in the sentiments and emotions of its people that constitute a nation. Perhaps a wake up call for Iran! Also any revolution shouldn’t be anarchy where hostility, unrest and disregard for citizens are the epicenters of control. The story of Shirin Ebadi, Iran’s first noble laureate whose peace prize was confiscated by the Iranian government and whose sister recently was arrested in Tehran narrates such apathy. Iran’s native, a lawyer and a human rights activist, Shirin Ebadi no wonder has to think twice before entering her own homeland due to possibilities of her arrest. Because of her predominant views on civil society and the rule of law wherein human rights is a core criterion of the governance, Ebadi is considered a possible threat to Iran. How fair and conscientious today is Iran’s freedom that takes away a citizen’s right to impartial expression?

A true leadership is one that enforces a participative style of governance and is not surrounded by censorship of any sort. Such protocol for a nation aims at encouraging people’s ideas, views and diligent actions as their voice for change, which ultimately leads to political, social and an economic face lift. Freedom from exile and other horrendous abuses are basic human rights which Iran needs to inculcate in its political doctrine. On this day of commemoration, human rights, which are also known as fundamental rights, should be the prerequisites of Iran’s bona fide liberation. Such radical and humanitarian relationship between Iran and its people shall be Iran’s absolute victory. Giving importance to triumph in people’s hearts over political supremacy, conquest on subjugation, justice through moral norms and legal rights, respect and dignity for human relationships together with equality, expression and education are some ways Iranians can win freedom from political fear and incarceration.

Greed Is Contemptuous

2010-02-09T22:58:00.000-08:00

On the Wall Street greed and fear may be the psychology behind an investment portfolio that helps analyze social, cognitive and emotional moves behind a financial decision but on the main street, greed is simply a social evil. As a ramification of a scornful mind, greed is a derisive act, which pushes us to an overwhelming desire for more and an unending hunger for money, temporal pleasures to faking relationships and hurting other’s emotions. Greed is not about acquiring wealth and getting richer. It actually is like entering a glittering passage to experience the darkness of ignorance and concealment that robs us of our moral values and good deeds to ultimately make us poor.

If King Siddhartha, more commonly known as the erstwhile Gautama Buddha had been greedy, this world would have been deprived of Buddhism’s spiritual teachings and awakenings. If Aristotle had been greedy, a comprehensive system of western philosophy of morality, aesthetics, logic, science, politics and metaphysics would have remained obscure. Had avarice been the motive behind Wright brother’s gliders and jet plane inventions, long distance travel would still have been a mystery. Moreover, had Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and other revolutionists been grabby, freedom would have remained a word coined just in encyclopedias and dictionaries.

Greed is a negative emotion that has multiple hidden faces and can lead to pseudo-behaviors that spoil the harmony in relationships and sanctity in humanity. Power through unethical means, satisfying lust through extramarital affairs, breeding violence and extremism through terrorism, wealth maximization through stock scams and fraudulent practices, reaping higher profits margins through selling fake and defected products, are some common illustrations of greed. One of the fundamental principles of greed starts with ‘I, Me, and Myself’. Knowingly or unknowingly such feeling is the greed for control, the home of ego and the state of prejudice.

Like other negative emotions, greed too can take any form and slowly alienate us from valuable moments and small pleasures of life. Joy and gratification that we experience in love or a hearty laugh can be viciously eaten by greed. To illustrate further on this, trading educated and professionally competent sons for material wealth is a common practice that revolves around the concept of marriages in India. Unfortunately even if the girl is well educated, cultured and belongs to a respectable family, she still is weighed against money and material assets in a greedy trade-off. Predominance of such behavior in the form of greed in a sacred institution like marriage disturbs the theme and belief that marriages are made in heaven. More importantly, such behavior blots the initiation of new relationship between two individuals and two families that can otherwise begin with a positive note and on a leveled turf. If greed is the culture our sons and daughters, brothers and sisters are made to breed, then our society is certainly heading fast towards an apocalypse of hope, optimism, trust and respect in human relationships. An educated and matured women once said to me, ‘Do you think dowry death cases that are reported in the press and media are really true? I don’t believe it.’ Her conscious statement perhaps had a subconscious message. She may have been sailing the same dowry boat when she married her son and her statement was a mode to conceal her emotions and greedy self.

Bitter, yet true, such is the veil of greed that superimposes the real us. It takes us to a no-return point in life and in relationships to ultimately distance us from our family and children. Greed also takes us to a mental and emotional level where genuine love, impartial actions, honesty and sincerity seem inferior to abounding wealth. Erich Fromm, a German social psychologist and humanistic philosopher rightly said, ‘Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction’. Some of the ways to get out of greedy shackles is to limit our desires so that aspirations today do not become over ambitions tomorrow. Also, valuing relationships more than material assets is yet another way to track greedy behavior as relationships may be broken just in seconds but it takes a life to mend them back. Most importantly, as parents we should be cautious of not deterring from our morality and ethics. If we have greed nesting in us today how would we stop our children from such an unhealthy contagion tomorrow?